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[ it’s just the right amount of surprise mixed with a healthy dose of happy that eren’s pleased! digging into his food in between, he raises his shoulders while he waits to finish chewing. it’s not that he didn’t know, but— it might come as even more of a surprise. ]

Paramedicine.

[ you bet he just drop kicked his dad in the face ]

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Paramedicine??

[Okay color him surprised]

W-Whoa, I didn't think you had any interest in medicine with your dad.

Not when he kept shoving it on me, yeah. And I’m still not going to be a doctor.

[ he’s finished his green scrambled eggs (that was a joke he bets), and takes a small break from the rest to explain. he’s going to need all his attention for it. ]

But I like what Mom does— and what you do. [ what elliot does was music, but— ] That accident on campus showed me something, especially when I saw you. [ in actuality: he’s been thinking about this longer than he actually lets on. ] How many lives can I help save If I know what to do to save them?

—How many would I save if I tore a building down, full of families, because it’s my job?

[ he doesn’t even mean that metaphorically, because he has torn buildings down, as faraway of a past it was, and elliot is sharp enough to know that by now. he pauses to think about it, and hopefully he’s made it clear. war is sometimes meaningless, and he’d still be involved with the death of people who’re still people, some of which have nothing to do with politics. he’s protecting his country, sure— but he’s contributing much more to death than to life.

that’s enough for one life, right? ]

[ He listens to Eren's reasoning, eating some of his own omelet while Eren talks so he doesn't just stare at him the whole time. It's still surprising, especially the part where Eren's been admiring what he does. People give him lots of praise, but he reacted mostly by feeling grateful for being useful. That he could actually help people-

- Ah.

Eren's reasoning isn't too different from his brother's, why he choose to become a firemen instead of a soldier, now that he recalls. Talk about giving him something to think about. But he'll table it for now. ]

Eren...

[he gets the sense that hypothetical is not a metaphorical one. He'll reach over to touch his boyfriend's hand]

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and that's really good. But I want to make sure...you're thinking of taking this path because you want to, right? Not out of guilt for things that happened in your past life?

[It's an important distinction. He can support Eren wanting out of the military, he can understand why. But Eren making decisions based on feeling the need to atone for what he did in a previous life instead of his actual desires ... that wouldn't solve the lack of freedom problem. The bars of the cage would change, but they'd still be there]

Edited 2018-05-18 13:50 (UTC)

[ for a minute— a second, actually, eren looks surprised. that was almost plausible, but . . . this time it wasn’t a present problem. it could’ve been, if eren had been guided down a different path with his memories, but.

that was not the case. he flips his hand up to take his boyfriend’s. ]

No— I never thought of it like that. Never. [ he had to reassure him, though, and it’s genuine reassurance. it’s easy to tell when eren’s lying, the same way it’s easy to tell when he wasn’t. although—

he looks sad as he lowers his head, and stares at his food. ]

That wasn’t . . . Me anymore.

[ the sadness was temporary; obviously there, because it was a saddening fate, but he inhales sharply to shake it off. the truth stands: that wasn’t him. he felt no guilt for it. it wasn’t as if the other eren wanted to either— he simply categorized it at the time as necessary. he wonders, for a moment, if that makes him a bad person, or if the fact that he didn’t feel guilty or even thought to be was a problem.

. . . he had to just leave that alone. do differently now. that wasn’t him. ]

If I could make that choice now, then I’ll have my dream. My real dream.

[ hidden under all that flying nonsense. there was a reason for it, he just never really worded it right. ]

[Fortunately, Eren is pretty easy to read for Elliot if he's lying or not. It's partly because Eren's a pretty honest guy, and partly because Elliot's known him for so long. He is watching for Eren's tells, but everything Eren is saying seems very genuine. It was a relief to hear.

Though...that wasn't Me anymore? That's a rather foreboding statement, more so than usual separation people make from their past self. Had something changed in the other Eren, to make lose himself? Then again...so many of his later actions did sound so different from the Eren he knew and loved...

This probably wasn't time to dwell on it. They were here now. Eren wasn't in that old life, and Elliot felt convinced Eren knew that too. He'll reach over to touch Eren's hand, offering him a smile]

Alright. Then you have my support, 100%.

[ if there’s anything that could make eren shake every bit of what was remotely considered grieving, it was this. all the creases on his face are smoothed out, eyes relaxing like melting butter. maybe his hands felt like they were pooling into a big pile of warm feelings.

he takes each hand in his own until he’s raising one to press his lips into reverently. ]

Thanks. For everything. If I have this outlook on memories now, it’s because you started it. [ lowering elliot’s hand, he rubs his fingers into them, still with growing affection, but guiding him back to his silverware. they should eat. ] That day in the woods, when I broke my ribs.

[Eren you're such a romantic. His heart melts at the gesture, he squeezes Eren's hands in return. That day in the woods...he hasn't forgotten it. ]

I remember that day...

[The worry, the upset, and yet... They've both come a long way since then. They've both grown, together. ]

Though you should know, the reason why I hold the views I do on the memories...it started because of you. [He gives a little shrug as he picks up his fork again] I don't like the idea of a life without you in it.

[ augh. augh. the sound of his heart palpitating could probably be heard from across the globe and into another dimension, otherworldly life forms are probably thinking what is that infernal drumming no it’s just eren jaeger’s heart. words dance in his head and he’s left there without words and only a moved smile and beaming eyes to speak for him, rose spreading cleanly across his face.

god, this man. he loves this man. ]

. . . I can’t imagine it. [ he keeps. squeezing and rubbing the hand he’s holding, sweetly and endeared, constantly gasping up and down until he decides to eat, finishing up his meals much faster than he was before. ] We need to finish up.

[ what’s with this smiley rush??? ]

[He smiles enough to scrunch up his nose a little at Eren's reaction. God, did he love this man. He'd never take him for granted, he feels so lucky they got to meet.]

Haha, okay. Guess they want their table.

[Better than to linger 'too long! He goes back to eating, not eating as fast as Eren but eating at a brisk enough pace so it shouldn't take too long to finish his omelet. When he's all done, he'll push the plate in and look at Eren]

Ready to go?

[ he’s. so ahead of you like. standing up and leaving was totally the jam he was waiting for, and by the time elliot says “ready to—“, eren’s already cramming his chair under the table, hastening into a stand. the boy is parched like the sahara desert at noon. ]

Yeah, just—

[ all that rush to get off his seat just to get close enough to lean down and . . . kiss him. that’s what the rush was for. the actual plan was to wait until they got outside but, the dokis spoke. he had to fulfill. ]

[Gosh dang Eren. He sure did catch him by surprise. He makes a little surprise squeak, but of course he'll kiss him back. Though he'll make sure it's a quick one- they are in public.]

Hehe, we still need to pay the bill you know.

[ IT’S QUICK, AND SWEET, AND A PECK OF THIRST BECAUSE HE’S MARRIED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS AND STILL LOVES YOU LIKE HE FIRST FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE

no he just. had to do something. no matter how quick it was, because when your head starts going shalalalalala kiss da boy it’s a little distracting to say no! waiting to take his hand, eren reaches for his wallet with the other, getting the table number and ready to pay up at the counter instead. ]

I’m on it.

[Eren you're so cute. Elliot will take that offered hand, as always, and is ready to go with him to the counter.

And he won't even argue about payment! ]

Alright, thank you.

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