fiddlestick | IC Contact

[Surprise huh? Yeah, surprised was a very good way to sum up Elliot's feelings. There are a hundred different thoughts in his head right now, zooming through as fast as sixty-fourth notes. Some are belittling towards himself ("I'm not worth this"), but so many more are just in awe of Eren. What an incredible person Eren was. How lucky he was to have Eren.

He tries again with words, but it doesn't work. His mouth feels dry, this throat closed up, and so many things he thinks to say doesn't sound right. It's his reflex to berate himself in response to things like this, he did it all the time. But he knew Eren would hate to hear that, and he's been told enough times to stop that. He didn't want to ruin this moment that Eren had clearly planned out because he had such trouble with himself. So maybe his mouth was working in his favor for not working.

Instead when Eren bumps shoulders with him and strokes his thumb, he'll shut his eyes and give a touched smile. He takes a deep breath, letting himself try to calm down for a moment. He's happy, he's really happy. Even if he's not sure he's worth this, he's really happy at what this all means. The happiness bubbles up inside of him, until he feels the overwhelming urge to do something. Show some sort of sign of how much Eren's gesture means to him.

Finally, without really thinking about it, he'll open his eyes and look over at Eren's face. Then he leans over quickly to plant a single kiss on Eren's cheek.

Thank you.]

[ and that’s it. that’s how eren jaeger died in this life.

A single peck that made sparks go off like fireworks. cheek kisses have been received before, but not any that didn’t bore and disinterest him. in fact, he never gave liberty to get that close, a reason the past relationship never got far enough to begin with. this made him flare from the inside out, into a reddened mess to the point that he couldn’t speak. hopefully his hands aren’t too hot because that’s something he feels, until he can’t really feel his hands at all. or his legs, where was he. he’s gone off somewhere, and it’s left a numbing sensation in his stomach that evolves into tumbles the more he stares at elliot with a never ending smile.

say something! no wait, he’s already tried and he hasn’t even realized it, trying to mouth something and only managing a press of his lips tightly together. like the first time they held hands on the hood of his car, eren can’t form words. at all. it wasn’t supposed to be that big of a deal, but it was— especially when the storm of emotion blows right through him when it never did before. it felt like a huge deal. he almost can’t contain himself, and for moments on end just keeps smiling, and staring. it’s a loop that he’s caught in and, hah, good luck getting out of it.

it brought with it an intense desire to respond in his own way, instinct telling him to go when he didn’t even stop to think go where. his heart was pounding, and it was all he heard as he kept staring, watching, forgetting everything that wasn’t the guy next to him, fingers fidgeting against his.

he was nervous, but everything had a first time. there was no ‘too early’ or ‘too late’, only the time that felt right, and the warmth that boiled in him until his gut did flips was what drew him to slowly lean in, without the unhelpful thoughts that would’ve stopped him. it’s without thinking, all heart and no head. he holds his breath and feels ready to explode when he closes his eyes and goes that extra dip, feeling an awkwardly placed, but surprisingly gentle first kiss.

its obvious, for someone who has, that he’s never done this before. there’s even a slight tremble in the hold on elliot’s fingers, be it from the rush, the nerves, the excitement, or everything in one big pot. ]

[He had glanced away after he kissed Eren on the cheek, his face feeling completely red and not being ready to see what reaction he'd give. After a moment of silence, he had peaked out of the corner of his eye to see Eren completely red as well, and smiling.

Maybe he should've expected was came next, but he's still caught by surprise. It seems to happen all at once and in slow motion. Eren leaning close, dipping his head....and then the feeling of gentle lips on his. Eren's lips on his.

Unlike Eren, this wasn't Elliot's first kiss. He's kissed a few other people before, guys and girls. Mostly during late night games on overnight fieldtrips and one time dates. With the girls, he hadn't felt anything besides a little awkward, even when there was nothing wrong with the kiss itself. It was with the guys he felt something. Felt something enough to enjoy it.

This however, being kissed by a guy he liked a lot? Even if it was gentle, even if it was clear that Eren barely knew what he was doing- it was on whole other level. He can feel his chest explode with feeling, his heart jump into his throat. He'll respond and kiss him back with no hesistation, keeping it as slow and gentle as Eren is but with clearly more skill. Yet it doesn't matter to him how skilled Eren was- this moment is euphoric. He wants to live in it as long as possible.

But, all things come to an end. And eventually, Elliot gently breaks off the kiss. And as he does, the nagging fears in his mind start to reappear. The real reason why he was so okay with taking forever to kiss, why he never pushed Eren. It wasn't just that he was patient, that he was fairly innocent himself. Those things were part of it, sure, but... ]

W-Was that...

[Eren never said to be gay. Before all this, Eren never expressed any interest in anyone physically. It was clear Eren liked the handholding, the hugs, the little touches .... but anyone could enjoy those without actually being attracted, so long as you cared enough about the person, and it was easy to mix up those feelings. But a kiss on the other hand... a kiss was different. If you weren't actually attracted to someone, a kiss would make it abundantly clear.

And with a guy like Eren, who never held any interest in this before, it wasn't impossible that he'd realize he was just crossing wires all this time.]

S-Still like me...?

Edited 2017-10-07 21:13 (UTC)

[ oooooh christ that certainly is a kiss right back, and he thinks to himself whoa. it’s not that he dislikes it— he would’ve pulled back and retreated immediately if that were the case; if anything, it’s the slight inhale he gives through the nose and a stiffened posture that signal his surprise. he knew he had to press a, but what was the combo code??? eren stays there, right there, the hold on his hand hooking more into elliot’s and mimicking the only reference he had (this one) to the best of his prowess. he probably doesn’t part his lips a whole ton, if not at all, but as unrefined as he was, it didn’t lessen what he felt when weight pushed back onto him, when their lips stayed pressed. it was bigger than the peck, which was supposed to be no huge deal, so imagine this. imagine if it gets better. was it possible to just burst from it all?

it felt plausible, because his chest feels like it’s leading a band. curiosity was satiated, and he knew that he had liked it more than he thought he would’ve. he pulls away as elliot does, eyes wide as they begin to open and not a single spot of peachy skin in sight. elliot’s first words might’ve aggravated the situation, in which the smile gradually returns to eren with a great deal of embarrassment, declining his head. was that . . . yeah, his first. he nods, the cat’s out of the bag (not that it wasn’t something outrageous to assume). he’d be made fun of to no end if groupies found out, only allowing a kiss after eighteen years of life. he can hear the too precious for this world jokes rolling right in if that got leaked.

at least, it’s not a worry he has with elliot right now, even if the self-consciousness is there. if anything, that kiss had made him more stupid than before, content with just swimming around the aftertaste of what he just jumped into and feeling like a ton of little birds were flapping around in his belly. was that why he took so long?

that was— elliot kissing him. him kissing elliot, but he got one right back. elliot. the closeness to that was . . . amazing. to be that close to him, to share something like that, he’ll probably be reliving it all day. he can still feel it tingle his lips, and right now, no matter how hard he tried . . . how the hell does he stop smiling?

the second part of the question has him lift his head fully, revealing the complete state he’s in: not appalled, or confused, or uncertain and lost— he’s giddy. he’s positively giddy. his fingers are still shaking, and he’d probably say something like ufduhbuh if he tried to word too soon. his mind is doing sprints around the world, he can’t catch up.

it’s because he’s found something. he’s found something he’s unconsciously been looking for for much longer than most people can bare to wait. it’s like............. atlantis. ]

Still— do I still like you?

[ is that what he’s asking? elliot, look at him. look at this smile, this beaming, this light that can give enough energy to supply a powerplant. he takes his hand with a much firmer hold, cupping all of it into his and opening his mouth.

closing his mouth. ah man. just in case he can’t see, he’ll briefly guide elliot’s face up with his free hand, to look at him. ]

That was for real. [ from the meaning, to that sensation that came with it (if elliot felt the same thing), to the emotion he was showing on his sleeve at this very moment. ] . . . As shitty as I am at it.

[Eren, I'm sorry, but he already had it pegged that this was your first kiss. He's seen you flip out over hand-holding, it's not a hard deduction to make.

He had been looking down, as if he's scared to watch an axe to drop. But then Eren takes his hand, and guides his face up with his free hand and-

Eren's beaming. It's not just a regular smile, Eren looks downright giddy with happiness. There was no way Eren of all people could fake such a look- he was too honest and too serious. If he was making that face, then that must mean it was the truth - it was for real.

He lets out a little laugh of relief, the fear and doubt getting washed away once again for happiness. He's smiling right back at him]

Heehee, just making sure. [He lifts his free hand to Eren's shoulder] A-And you're not that bad. It just takes practice.

[ like watching a foal try to walk around for the first time, he imagines. not that bad, hah. his cheeks might be hurting a little from how much he’s been grinning (or burning). he’s so glad titan isn’t one of those dogs that start sniffing and poking you like something’s wrong. he’s just chewing his tire . . .

well then, he’s still freaking out. a good freaking out, mind you— he looks to elliot, chuckles, looks to the ground, then back to elliot, rinse and repeat. you’ve. gone and made him stupid. what’s worse, he wants to give it another try eyes darting down to his lips once or twice, but he’s so absolutely stupefied he can only keep his body turned and welcoming while he sucks in his own lips.

elliot . . . you really are a wizard. ]

I, just sort of, I never. Shit. [ he huffs with an airy laugh. felt this. there he goes not using words right because he’s all over the god damn place. ] What made you think that?

[This is his true power. He'll let Eren keep looking around, trying to sort out his own stupefied thoughts. His own giddiness manifests in smiles and laughs. If he was standing, he'd probably be a little bouncy as well, but oh, thank goodness for small favors]

Ehehe...well, you've never kissed a guy, right? S-Sometimes people will think they're attracted but then they, um, try...and it'll turn out...not so much?

S-Sorry, that made more sense in my head. It was probably stupid to worry about it.

I’ve never kissed a girl, either.

[ but he knows what he’s saying, or rather tries to understand it. it’s what jasmine mentioned once that he gets, now. it was never the right person, so he never felt the true necessity until it was there. he inhales though, rubbing the back of his neck. if there’s one person that should know, it’s obviously the person he wants to be with right now. ]

Honestly, Elliot . . . I don’t even know what the hell I am. [ and whenever he thought about it, he’d fall back into the same cycle of questions without the proper orientation, and it doesn’t change anything in the end. kindly screw names for it or whatever, but he does hope that it’s not . . . weird enough to scare him off. ] I just know that . . . I like you. I don’t think it really matters if you’re a guy.

[ guess that makes him elliotsexual or something. ]

Haha, that...doesn't surprise me but I didn't want to say it...

[You know, try to save some face for you. Like a true bro. bro-boyfriend.]

Aww. I like you too. [He gives him a warm and affectionate look.] Don't worry, it doesn't matter to me what you are. You're Eren - that's all I care about.

I just get nervous sometimes ... you know how I am.

[ the greatest bro-boyfriend that ever lived right now . . . and at this point, eren doesn’t know what else to do that didn’t have to do with smiling stupidly, and opts to actually embrace him with an arm, pulling him close and pretty much bumping heads sideways. a headbutt! ]

I know a little too much. [ but if elliot was nervous, then what was eren . . . a riddle you’d find under a bottle cap. ] Swear that you won’t worry about that, [ he holds a free hand out again, asking for the same shake he did back on the beach. shake on it. ] and I will too.

[ at least, they’d try. elliot frets quite a bit and eren had that so-serious-it-dramatic streak, it could be a recipe for nerve bundling. ]

[He gives a little laugh as he gets pulled close, shifting himself so he leans against Eren and moves his arm so his arm reaches over Eren's shoulders, to return the hug.

But jeez, making him swear. Elliot really did try to keep to his promises, especially with Eren. This one might prove a little difficult but...]

Okay, I swear. [He'll shake Eren's free hand with his own.] I'll do my best not to worry.

[He lifts his gaze to the corners of his eyes so he can see Eren]

But hey, promise me you'll tell me what you are and aren't comfortable doing? [You know, with the kissing and...other stuff] It's okay to say no.

[ a sturdy clap of the hand turns into a shift of fingers until they’re laced, folded into one other and holding with affection. sometimes— he still can’t believe he’s here, they’re here, doing this. it made him unbelievably happy. with a ton of understanding to boot, from both directions. ]

You know I’ll say something. [ at least that was one thing he usually still did, and that was being honest. if he didn’t like something, he didn’t like it. but, so far . . . no divergences. ] It was . . . Really great, you know.

[ on elliot’s part, he means. the kiss . . . that kiss . . . ]

Haha, okay. Just needed to hear that. [Not out of a lack of confidence, surprisingly, but just to make it clear. Eren was a rather unique case, he didn't want to force Eren to do anything he didn't want.

His fingers will interlock with Eren's. And jeez Eren, if he wasn't already blushing a lot that compliment would get one. he's smiling though] I doubt I'd win any kissing awards, but I really liked kissing you too...

[Honestly he looks like he's about to suggest maybe trying again when he remembers]

- Oh! What about your tattoo? Sorry I forgot.

[ great minds think alike when you’re both stuck on some dopey cloud. or, atlantis. no one wants to leave atlantis. he almost doesn’t get that last question, snapping back a little delayed, but better late than never. he just had to, ha, pick up his reflexes. ]

Oh— [ he. completely forgot. he’ll have to let go of elliot’s hand to do this, but he shifts in his seat, unbuttons his shirt, shrugs it off and— behold, those abs. he’ll turn more for the actual tattoo though, the beginning of a beautifully drawn wing that started at his shoulder blade, taking most of his arm like an actual wing would, if he had one. ] That’s all of it.

[ how does it look ]

[Elliot stares as Eren takes off his shirt. Of course he notices those abs first. He's...really, really glad they are already dating, because there is no way survive hiding how much he's staring if his feelings were still a secret. How much his cheeks were heating up. Eren was really fit, it was impossible not to stare.

As for the tattoo?]

Whoa...it's so cool!

[He says wistfully. The tattoo was bigger than he expected, and it looked so cool. Elliot was in complete awe. His hand reaches over towards it- but he snatches it away at the last second, like it was a hot stove]

C-Can....Can I touch it?

[ he can probably do his push ups with you sitting on him, elliot . . . let this be a to-do. luckily, he notices more the flush when he’s looking over his shoulder, half-turned so elliot could see it’s entirety. what’s not to like about hearing it be that cool? enough to want to touch it. eren’s smiling, and even chuckles a little when elliot snaps his hand away. he’ll lift his arm and offer it up. ]

Go ahead.

[Do it Eren. Elliot would be so thoroughly impressed.

Not that he isn't right now. Because seriously, it looks so cool to him. He always had a weakness for scars and tattoos. So carefully, as if he's reaching out to touch an animal or something expensive, he'll reach his hand back up and start touching the tattoo very gently. He'll trace along some of the feathers, looking mesmerized]

Heehee...so cool...I love it.

[ maybe when u sleep over

but, yes, words that make his heart jump and his smile melt into an irresistible, clearly soft buttered look. the power you have until the edge of time, elliot . . . seeing him like that gets eren mesmerized all over again, staring at his fluttering gaze. ]

M’glad I actually got it, then. [ he had been planning on it since the day he mentioned a “surprise”, but surprise, the apartment was fairly last minute and slightly bigger. one brief look around the apartment has eren coming back to, again, stare, leaning back against the couch (very, very comfy). he’s staring at everything that elliot’s face offers and probably gets lost in it somewhere. ] I can bring you over for those marathons now.

[ when they were talking online, eren probably mentioned the only tv series he actually likes and never gets tired of repeats . . . game of reigns ]

[As Eren leans back against the couch, so does Elliot. His hand will still be on his arm though. You said he could, so he's gonna touch and look at this tattoo for awhile ok? Okay]

Haha, you mean that show you like? [Elliot's never seen it. He kept putting it off, in hopes he could watch it with Eren in person sometime] Okay! You'll explain things if I get lost, right?

[ oh this is unexpected and— good. it has fallen into the good category, feeling his stomach flop around helplessly while his hand was still on him. elliot’s probably the only one ever allowed and welcomed. his hand is getting sneaky, and quite gently, it reaches elliot’s knee and he just . . . lightly strokes. ]

We can start from the beginning. [ because seriously!!! he doesn’t remember half of the character names to start, he’s mostly just in it for the story, and the old era feel

and the violence ]

You’re gonna like the soundtrack, knowing you.

[He smiles at him, totally allowing that knee touching.]

Haha, I'm sure! I already memorized the opening song!

[He'll start humming it just to prove it. Sorry Eren]

[ elliot no that’s cute— he’ll lift his arm over the couch, then gradually adjust so that it’s actually over elliot’s shoulder instead. now they can sit more comfy. ]

Can you violin that?

[ he wants to see you work some musical magic. ]

Haha, maybe if I had my violin with me.

[As Eren adjusts, so will he. He scoots closer to him, and give one more kiss on the cheek before relaxing against Eren's arm]

[ gOD YOU'RE GOING TO GOD DAMN KiLL HIM ]

[THEN I WILL BE THE TITAN-KILLER-KILLER. JUST AS PLANNED]

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