fiddlestick | IC Contact

[ eren nods, and with it tightens his grip around his fingers. a light squeeze, and he holds his breath before speaking. ]

I need to be. It’s what I’m here for.

[ not that he wasn’t ready, honestly, part of him didn’t know how to feel about these things, but . . . if he wanted to change anything, it was opening up, ready or not (maybe if he were ready, he wouldn’t have to be doing any of this). at least, with solving a problem once he’s pinpointed it? he’ll do anything and everything he had to.

very long pause. he looks to elliot, then to the pot and cups that’re being set on their table. once the water bows and leaves, eren pokes one for elliot first. ]

There’s something you said the other day that made me remember something, right there on the bed. [ so— he figures he should start with that. ] And it still hurts.

[he knows that that's likely a complicated question for Eren. Of course it's not easy to be ready for a situation like this, but he needed to be at the same time. Clearly something about these memories had been gnawing away at him, making him hurt.

So he gives his best understanding expression. He'll be here for Eren, whatever he needs to say. He takes that cup, not drinking out of it yet because let's not accidentally spit it out]

What was it?

[ it’s hard to tell if you will or not (because eren himself chokes and throws up after some of his own memories), but he then serves himself, and drinks from his cup. he needed to wet his lips before speaking. ]

Months after telling my friends I loved them, [ his practically adopted sister, his one other childhood friend, his family when there was no one left in it, ] I told them I hated them. [ it doesn’t sound so grave, but— eren knows his own words. ] I made it so believable that their hearts broke. I saw it.

[ eren’s brows furrow, because he tries to think back, he really does. it’s just so shrouded that details are as clear to him right now as cars driving in fog. ]

Right before my nose broke, too.

Oh...

[Oh...wow. His eyes look sad as he hears that. Eren going that far with people who loved him.]

Why...did you do that? Did you want them to stay out of what you were doing?

[ eren pauses and looks into his tea cup. see, that’s something. he didn’t quite know either, but. what would eren jaeger do . . . if he were eren jaeger? the other time they met again, before that, eren was neutral. everything changed when sasha died. because of what? because of him.

that’s what he pieces together. ]

. . . I think I wanted them to stay away from me. For their own good. [ a beat, again. ] Because that’s what I would do. As a last resort.

[elliot tilts his head a little as he watches him, gauging his reaction.]

You mean...keep them away from that thing you were planning? I guess that makes sense...it sounded like a dark road, so it was probably a twisted way to protect them.

[He could see why he wouldn't want his loved ones to follow him down it]

Though don't think it'd be that easy to shake me off.

[ it wasn't just the plan, eren thinks. the twisted plan that he had no idea of what it actually was, but. ]

Keep them away from me. They were part of the plan in the beginning. Then I changed my mind— because one of them died, because of me.

[ eren inhales, and from there, finally takes a sip of his tea. wetting his mouth would do good when it felt so dry. ]

. . . But I wouldn't do that now. Back then I was dying. I had nothing that I wouldn't already lose. [ eren's hand extends across the table, to brush against his hand.] I have too much to lose, now.

Oh...

[Well that last part is reassuring, that he wouldn't do it now. But focusing on past Eren]

...I don't know, it sounded like he was still scared of losing something, if he changed his plans that quickly.

[ that part. is true. true enough that after a pause, eren needs to agree with a nod. ]

. . . The thought of them living less than him.

[ him. right. even if it feels weird, but— even if they were the same. that life is gone. it's over. ]

I remember telling them, "I want you all live long lives". [ . . . ] That's the last thing he told them before, [ gesture ] all of that.

Oh...

[That's...really sad. Especially considering what eventually happened to that world, if Eren's presence in Recolle indicates anything]

...I hope they were born into this world and are doing just that.

[ that is

the single most sweetest thing he could have heard about that. eren looks at elliot for a second (a couple of seconds), and— from the melancholy, he actually smiles. it’s soft, reassured and genuine. ]

They are, somewhere. [ he likes to believe that, at least. ] Sometimes I still catch myself thinking I’d like them to meet you.

[Oh, it is always nice to see that smile. And to match it, Elliot will give a soft smile back]

I'd like to meet them too. We'll keep an eye out, okay? I mean, we found Levi, Crow and Rean- so who knows who else we'll find.

Yeah.

[ he nods, and the smile— it’s still there, along with eren’s fingers squeezing his hand in return. with a bit of lightness to the air now (wow, who knew), eren can relax his shoulders. ]

You said you had something to tell me too, didn’t you?

[Yeah, it's like talking works!!

But oh right, it's time for him to swallow and look a little nervous.]

Yeah, I do....

Just so we're clear, this stays between the two of us, right? No telling anyone?

[ ruh roh]

You know I won’t. What’s going on?

[he worries his lip a little]

Well...remember how I said Class VII had a traitor?

I...I haven't gotten any memories that directly says it, but I think I have an idea of who it is.

Edited 2019-03-04 00:38 (UTC)

[ breathes in. he holding elliot’s hand for this and leans over. he has a feeling where this is going, but.

at least, the act of betrayal doesn’t bother him as much as it used to. it doesn’t bother him at all, really (there are reasons for betrayal and they run so much deeper than “I wanted to hurt my friends” because it’s never like that.) ]

Someone important?

...Yeah. [He lets out a sad sigh] Crow.

I don't remember anything directly pinpointing it as him, but in all my memories during the war? Crow is the only class member missing.

[ alrighty, so this is a thing that’s happening.

throughout it, eren’s expression maintains neutrality. he doesnt want to cause alarm when it doesn’t have to be, or set fire to gasoline when there was no need to. ]

Does that change what you feel about him?

[ for eren, it doesn’t, but for more personally mutual memories. if anything, he hopes to guide that saddened face of elliot’s away. one hand washes the other. ]

No.

[The answer comes easy. ]

The Crow that's here now isn't the same as the Crow in my memories. And even if he was... [He offers a little shrug] I remember how much the other Elliot missed him. He never hated him.

[So why should he now?]

I just...I don't know what'll happen when he finds out here.

That’s what I thought.

[ oh, elliot. if there is something that eren knows now, it’s how layered betrayal can be. ]

We’ll talk to him. It’s the best thing we could do.

[he considers, then gives a little shake of his head]

Thanks, but...I think that conversation should be something I should handle on my own. It's a Class VII matter...it'd look bad if I felt I had to bring back-up.

[Having Eren there when he breaks the news to him...it shows that he doesn't trust Crow. That he's fearful of him. Which couln't be further from the truth]

That’s not what I meant.

[ but eren doesn’t seem deterred in the slightest, and still mildly smiling. ]

You’ll talk to him on your own time, or whenever he comes to you to talk about it. And I’ll do the same thing if he ever comes to me. Rean’ll probably do the same thing. [ . . . ] Betrayal’s universal. He just needs to know that his friends see past that when he starts doubting it.

[He makes a little sigh of relief]

Yeah, you're right. He'll probably judge himself the hardest for his past, so we have to be there for him.

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THIS TAG DID NOT REACH MY INBOX /SCREAMS

this happened to me twice this month I FEEL YOU

;; <3

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