This entire semester has... really not been great, and that was before I missed a whole week because of the layer thing. I mostly caught up with assignments, but I'd be lying if I said I was keeping my head above water for any of them...
So I'm not imagining finals will go much better. It's not like it even matters in the long term, with what I'm taking, but...
Trust me, there's a reason I say it doesn't really matter. I'm just taking a bunch of random liberal arts electives right now. None of these are required for anything, no one will ever look at them past the hit they're going to have on my GPA.
But my parents were angry enough about that. Me doing poorly in all of them besides? I don't even want to think about the lecture I'm going to get...
[Just... dances around the fact that he has no direction in life a ha ha...]
[Honesty does appear to be the best policy, here. Rean doesn't seem upset.]
I've been trying different things for a couple years now, and just... nothing sticks. It's not that I can't do any of it, it's just... hard when your parents expect you to follow in their footsteps and none of it appeals to you in the slightest.
[A little bit of bitter laughter.]
I'm guessing I don't strike you as the businessman or lawyer-type, either.
Yeah...you come up a lot in our talks. Good things though! He likes you a lot.
[REAN IS FRIEND!!!
But oh. Oh that is VERY relatable.]
Sorry, not at all. You're not really cut-throat enough for that kind of thing...
Though I do know the feeling you have. My family's the same way. They wanted me to become police officer or join the military. [He makes a face as he imitates his relatives:] "Elliot, you need to do keep in mind what's really important".
[He sighs and shakes his head.]
It's pretty frustrating, huh? Like they don't really see you there.
...Really? [Rean, why do you sound surprised...] Well, I'm glad to hear it.
[Elliot saying "not at all" just makes Rean laugh, though, a little less bitter.]
Nothing to be sorry about. It's just the truth.
[And he'll let Elliot continue, sighing to echo Elliot when he's asked.]
Yeah, that's... exactly it. And I just keep trying to live up to what they want, but... I don't think I'm ever going to be the son that they wanted.
Don't get me wrong. I love them, and I know they love Raina and I. They've never left either of us wanting for anything, and even though I've been nothing but a disappointment since I left home, they keep paying for my room and education. Sure, they'll get on my case when I do call home – believe me, that was a fun way to end the whole "hey, I have a boyfriend!" call – but they still go out of their way to help me out.
But it's always been like this. I've always been stumbling along, and every time they've tried to talk to me to help, it just rubs in how I'm not like them. I guess I was hoping if I tried to head out on my own at least a little, I'd find something, but...
Yeah, really. I'm really glad you two have hit it off...Eren sometimes has trouble making friends.
[It's a complete mystery as to why really. It's like people don't like getting licked.
But he'll listen to what Rean has to say. Yeah, that very much sounds familiar. The only difference was, Elliot already figured out his passion, what he wanted to do. Rean was still searching.]
Yeah, know that feeling. It's crappy when you know you don't live up to their expectations.
I mean, it's easy to say "well then don't care about what they think!", and that's true on some level- but it's a lot easier said than done. I mean, you love them so of course you care what they think. And the whole "they're paying" is pretty important too...
[he puts his hands in his pocket]
Though I wouldn't make it sound like you haven't been doing anything out here. You've helped a lot of people.
I'm glad, too. And I mean... I can't say I don't feel him on that one.
[Rean, that's because you overthink literally everything. At least you don't lick people.]
Yeah. I want to live up to their expectations, but the future they had planned for me... no matter how I look at it, I'm just never going to fit that mold. I don't want to be a burden on them like this, but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, either.
[At that last bit, Rean finally looks back over at Elliot.]
...I guess. I mean, I don't really see it that way, but I'm probably the worst judge of my own accomplishments. [He has a feeling Elliot will understand exactly.] So, I mean, I guess thank you for seeing me in a positive light, but... it's not like I can exactly make a living off of that.
[Yeah seriously Rean. Though thank you for not licking people too]
Yeah, I can see that. So...the challenge is finding something that makes you happy, but that they'd actually like as well. Not an easy thing to achieve for sure.
[But surely they can find something right? ]
You definitely are the worst judge your own accomplishments, yeah. [NOT ARGUING THAT. Rean you suck at your self esteem]
I see you in a positive light because there's a lot of positives to you. And...that depends how you go about it, right? There's lots of jobs that help people in different ways.
Let's say...when you help people, what do you like most about it?
[You're welcome. He will continue to focus his oral fixation on the one person who actually wants his mouth and tongue all over them.
Also, hey, pot, maybe don't call the kettle black? Just saying. Anyway.
Rean's quiet, just listening to Elliot. He doesn't look hopeful about this conversation at all, but he does at least look like he's thinking about it.]
Ha... aside from just being happy I'm actually useful for a change?
[He says that as if it's a joke, but...]
That I'm being a positive influence on the world, I guess. That by helping someone, I've given them something they need to move forward with their lives.
[That response rather throws Rean off, and his slightly widened eyes give that away as clear as day.]
I mean... I'm glad to hear that. [Which sounds honest, just awestruck.] I just never even thought much of it... it seemed like the natural thing to do.
Well, what felt natural to you felt like the world to me.
[That's right, time to knock you off that negative thought track]
Actually, I'm with a volunteer group that does a bunch of different things. ReVA? Anyway, we're always looking for tutors and mentors for homework help nights.
Could be a good way to see if you like doing that kinda stuff.
[That's right he wins this one!! Even though it was not an actual competition and he is just helping a friend bruh]
Sure! I think it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evenings, but I'll send you the exact times. It's just at the community center though, in Tribunal Terrace.
[Annd now he looks around at some of the shops they are passing by. One of which is a Daiso]
Haha, sure! It's pretty fun, I wish I had more time with it, but I've been pretty busy myself.
[plus really, not much demand for music tutors during homework help night]
Okay!
[thank you for not using him as a steed. the store itself looks like a mix of a dollar store and an ikea...but with a very Japanese twist. Practical items, Japanese cook wear, decorations- you name it
Elliot's really trying to keep a poker face, but hes bad at it. It's clear he wants to make a remark about heeey what a great place this would be for your new place.
Yeah, it's understandable. Between school, and, well... everything else...
[Not hard to figure out why you'd be too busy for volunteer work, honestly.
Rean's looking around, and he seems fairly intrigued by everything... but ah. That sure is A Look on Elliot's face. He just sighs and turns his attention back to his friend.]
All right, just be out with it. I can see you're holding back.
[Elliot's face lights up as Rean tells him to be out with it. Like full on smile as he points out a set of japanese dishes. They are black and red, just like Rean's soul.]
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Oh, that's...not reassuring.
[r u ok Rean.]
Everything okay?
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[He slumps over a little as he walks, sighing.]
This entire semester has... really not been great, and that was before I missed a whole week because of the layer thing. I mostly caught up with assignments, but I'd be lying if I said I was keeping my head above water for any of them...
So I'm not imagining finals will go much better. It's not like it even matters in the long term, with what I'm taking, but...
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[Elliot can relate a little, some of his grades have taken a hit from all the Retrospec stuff, but he's also been working hard to keep them up too.]
Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe we can study together! What're you taking?
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[SIGH.]
Trust me, there's a reason I say it doesn't really matter. I'm just taking a bunch of random liberal arts electives right now. None of these are required for anything, no one will ever look at them past the hit they're going to have on my GPA.
But my parents were angry enough about that. Me doing poorly in all of them besides? I don't even want to think about the lecture I'm going to get...
[Just... dances around the fact that he has no direction in life a ha ha...]
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[Honestly, Elliot isn't blind to the fact that Rean hasn't settled on a passion. Eren's talked to him about it before]
So...I take it you're not really into any of them?
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[He doesn't sound happy to be talking about this, but he isn't resisting.]
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[he says, trying to think of how to go about this. Might as well be honest]
Eren...mentioned once you were having a hard time figuring out what you wanted to do.
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[Honesty does appear to be the best policy, here. Rean doesn't seem upset.]
I've been trying different things for a couple years now, and just... nothing sticks. It's not that I can't do any of it, it's just... hard when your parents expect you to follow in their footsteps and none of it appeals to you in the slightest.
[A little bit of bitter laughter.]
I'm guessing I don't strike you as the businessman or lawyer-type, either.
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[REAN IS FRIEND!!!
But oh. Oh that is VERY relatable.]
Sorry, not at all. You're not really cut-throat enough for that kind of thing...
Though I do know the feeling you have. My family's the same way. They wanted me to become police officer or join the military. [He makes a face as he imitates his relatives:] "Elliot, you need to do keep in mind what's really important".
[He sighs and shakes his head.]
It's pretty frustrating, huh? Like they don't really see you there.
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[Elliot saying "not at all" just makes Rean laugh, though, a little less bitter.]
Nothing to be sorry about. It's just the truth.
[And he'll let Elliot continue, sighing to echo Elliot when he's asked.]
Yeah, that's... exactly it. And I just keep trying to live up to what they want, but... I don't think I'm ever going to be the son that they wanted.
Don't get me wrong. I love them, and I know they love Raina and I. They've never left either of us wanting for anything, and even though I've been nothing but a disappointment since I left home, they keep paying for my room and education. Sure, they'll get on my case when I do call home – believe me, that was a fun way to end the whole "hey, I have a boyfriend!" call – but they still go out of their way to help me out.
But it's always been like this. I've always been stumbling along, and every time they've tried to talk to me to help, it just rubs in how I'm not like them. I guess I was hoping if I tried to head out on my own at least a little, I'd find something, but...
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[It's a complete mystery as to why really. It's like people don't like getting licked.
But he'll listen to what Rean has to say. Yeah, that very much sounds familiar. The only difference was, Elliot already figured out his passion, what he wanted to do. Rean was still searching.]
Yeah, know that feeling. It's crappy when you know you don't live up to their expectations.
I mean, it's easy to say "well then don't care about what they think!", and that's true on some level- but it's a lot easier said than done. I mean, you love them so of course you care what they think. And the whole "they're paying" is pretty important too...
[he puts his hands in his pocket]
Though I wouldn't make it sound like you haven't been doing anything out here. You've helped a lot of people.
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[Rean, that's because you overthink literally everything. At least you don't lick people.]
Yeah. I want to live up to their expectations, but the future they had planned for me... no matter how I look at it, I'm just never going to fit that mold. I don't want to be a burden on them like this, but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, either.
[At that last bit, Rean finally looks back over at Elliot.]
...I guess. I mean, I don't really see it that way, but I'm probably the worst judge of my own accomplishments. [He has a feeling Elliot will understand exactly.] So, I mean, I guess thank you for seeing me in a positive light, but... it's not like I can exactly make a living off of that.
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Yeah, I can see that. So...the challenge is finding something that makes you happy, but that they'd actually like as well. Not an easy thing to achieve for sure.
[But surely they can find something right? ]
You definitely are the worst judge your own accomplishments, yeah. [NOT ARGUING THAT. Rean you suck at your self esteem]
I see you in a positive light because there's a lot of positives to you. And...that depends how you go about it, right? There's lots of jobs that help people in different ways.
Let's say...when you help people, what do you like most about it?
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Also, hey, pot, maybe don't call the kettle black? Just saying. Anyway.
Rean's quiet, just listening to Elliot. He doesn't look hopeful about this conversation at all, but he does at least look like he's thinking about it.]
Ha... aside from just being happy I'm actually useful for a change?
[He says that as if it's a joke, but...]
That I'm being a positive influence on the world, I guess. That by helping someone, I've given them something they need to move forward with their lives.
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In fact he'll give him a small nudge when he says that "joke". quiet boy, you're plenty useful!! ]
Huh...so you like being a guide to people? Helping them figure out how to move forward?
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I guess, yeah. Although, when you put it like that, it seems strange. Like I ought to be the last person guiding anyone else, y'know?
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No, I don't think that's true.
You really helped me out during the fires. I wouldn't have been able to get through that without you guys guiding me. Especially you.
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[That response rather throws Rean off, and his slightly widened eyes give that away as clear as day.]
I mean... I'm glad to hear that. [Which sounds honest, just awestruck.] I just never even thought much of it... it seemed like the natural thing to do.
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[That's right, time to knock you off that negative thought track]
Actually, I'm with a volunteer group that does a bunch of different things. ReVA? Anyway, we're always looking for tutors and mentors for homework help nights.
Could be a good way to see if you like doing that kinda stuff.
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Instead, he looks down for a moment, a bit shy, before turning back to Elliot.]
...I'd be interested in checking it out. Let me know when to stop by?
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Sure! I think it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the evenings, but I'll send you the exact times. It's just at the community center though, in Tribunal Terrace.
[Annd now he looks around at some of the shops they are passing by. One of which is a Daiso]
Oh hey! How about here?
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[Oh! This place! He's... vaguely heard of this place.]
Sure. Why not?
[INTO THE STORE THEY GO, with no steed because Elliot is too small and macaroni to properly make this joke]
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[plus really, not much demand for music tutors during homework help night]
Okay!
[thank you for not using him as a steed. the store itself looks like a mix of a dollar store and an ikea...but with a very Japanese twist. Practical items, Japanese cook wear, decorations- you name it
Elliot's really trying to keep a poker face, but hes bad at it. It's clear he wants to make a remark about heeey what a great place this would be for your new place.
He really
Really wants to say it. ]
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[Not hard to figure out why you'd be too busy for volunteer work, honestly.
Rean's looking around, and he seems fairly intrigued by everything... but ah. That sure is A Look on Elliot's face. He just sighs and turns his attention back to his friend.]
All right, just be out with it. I can see you're holding back.
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W-Well! I bet Crow doesn't have any of those!
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1/2?
2/3 i lied
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