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[ god, he does not like seeing him cry. it’s a hurt he’s caused. eren crying was one thing, and he sucks it up, but elliot— he reaches, with his thumb, to rub them away. once that’s done, his hand falls, lightly trying to hold his. he had considered earlier to reject these memories completely, but what good would that do him if they were going to come anyway? ]

If I can’t stop them from coming— [ he tries to think of something, but it doesn’t take him long to find the answer. ] I need . . . to learn how to use them. I know that depends on me, but, [ he ends up biting his lip, almost feeling the need to rub his face, but doing so on his shoulder. ] It’s so, fucking confusing. I don’t know how—

I just know I can’t do it alone. And If I lose myself, I lose you— then I’m done for.

[ he’s trying to hold both his hands, but he’s shaking; it hurts, he’s afraid. he’s afraid of what he’ll see, because he can’t fight the past like he knows how to fight the present, and he’s afraid of how it’ll affect him. it already is. the biggest part, the one thing that gets him the most was the emotion. he couldn’t just shut that off like a switch.

but there had to be someway. ]

[He doesn't pull away. He lets Eren take his hands, but for the moment, they remain limp in Eren's hands. There's a sniff from him.]

I- I wouldn't call myself an expert. I'm not sure-- [He swallows. Thinking about his own memories? It was messy, to say the least. He didn't talk about his memories nearly as much as he probably should. He tended to lock them away, to make people not worry.

But he picks up on Eren's hands shaking. Eren's afraid. It hurts Elliot to see that so much. He didn't want Eren afraid or hurt. Even still feeling upset himself, he still felt compelled to try to fix it.

He takes in a deep breath, and pulls his hands away from the hold. Instead he leans over and pulls Eren into a hug, wrapping his arms around him in a hold]

Y-You're not losing me now. I'm here. [He can't promise forever, not right after he admitted that there's no way to stop something from happening for sure. But right now? He can be here. He rubs Eren's back, trying to be soothing ] We'll think of something, okay? But you don't...

[He pauses, thinking how to phrase it best.]

You don't have to be that Eren. You're you.

[ to still have elliot by his side after such a fuck up was more than any blessing imaginable. it didn’t dissolve or justify what he did, neither did the feelings, and eren didn’t even want it to— that’d end up meaning it was okay, and he knows it isn’t.

that’s not the first time elliot tries to tell him that, and eren might have shrugged it off the first time, out of a weird personal necessity to outbest himself, if that made sense, to feel some kind of validation from it. after another tremble from his shoulders, eren buries his face into the bulk of elliot’s clothes until his damp face is against his neck. he breathes there as much as he needs to, and tightens his arms around him urgently, squeezing him tight in return. puffed out with the shake of his breath, eren speaks quietly, but with certainty: ]

I don’t want to be that Eren.

[ it hurt to be that eren. that eren was the way he was because of circumstance. he was forced into war, and here he was now— having the chance to live something much happier. of course, with dangers, that existed everywhere, but it didn’t compare to that life. even then, it still brought up frightening pointers. what if he starts changing and doesn’t realize it, like he realizes now?

eren squeezes elliot again in his hold, raising his head so that he can press his cheek to his, the brush of fabric against each other making sounds that sizzle behind elliot even after they’ve stopped moving in the silence they sat it. just a very soft, nearly inaudible sssssssssssssss. ]

You’ve always been right— and I know you’re right, now. [he takes a deep breath, shaky from his own crying, but . . . calmed, at least. at least for now, too. ] If I want to move forward, I will. And I’m taking you with me.

[ No, it doesn't dissolve things entirely. Elliot might be wary for a long time coming about Eren backsliding again, since this isn't the first time they've had a talk like this. It meant there was always the chance it could happen again. That Elliot might find him yet again hurt from self-inflicted damage- trying to measure up to some memory or another. It'll take awhile for that worry to ebb away.

But still, he's still relieved to hear those words from Eren. He holds onto him tightly, hoping to be some comfort to some comfort to Eren. ]

I-I wouldn't say I'm always right. [Elliot knows there's times when he's been wrong, and he doesn't want to be put on some pedestal. That's not healthy.] And of course I'll go with you. I-

[He stops when he hears a very faint sound with his ears. That sounds like...]

-- I-Is something sizzling?

[Please don't tell me the galaxy phone isn't gonna blow]

[ even when cut off, it’s still important, and comforting to hear, perhaps even more than he felt he deserved at the moment. eren pulls himself back a little, his arms slipping away from elliot to their sides to look at him with swollen eyes. the sound isn’t coming from behind elliot, now it’s lower, at. their sides. ]

Sizzling? [ silence again, and he gives it an ear. that’s definitely like, something letting off steam? that’s what it sounds like.

but, actually, there actually is the tiniest strip of steam coming from— the couch? elliot’s pocket? oh god not the galaxy. it’s the closest thing to eren’s hands, and once he pulls them back to his lap to help them look for the source . . . the source is him. ]

[Elliot pulls back at the same time, pulling his phone out of his pocket to check on it. It seems fine, fortunately. So he looks back at Eren confused-

Just in time to see him steaming]

U-Uh- Eren?

[THATS NEW]

Edited 2017-12-19 02:25 (UTC)

[ eren doesn’t seem that confused at first, even if elliot does, because hey this has happened before, because of elliot’s food, he thought. but looking between his hands, the steaming open wounds and the other gives him one of the biggest doubts. ]

That’s . . . Not you?

[ he didn’t eat any magic food and elliot didn’t do anything . . . manually. ]

[This is a very prominent headshake]

N-No.

But, your cooking . . .

[ he ate it on that day and it did this, he thought . . . it couldn’t be him, you know? that’s how he’s been side stepping the mention of self harm until today. he didn’t have the past life for that sort of power. but, dave reminds him of that right that instant: elliot’s magic doesn’t make people steam. even if it was the most logical explanation for eren, that’s why he’s gone with it this whole time.

lo’ and behold, the broken, open skin is closing right back up before their eyes. everything from earlier makes a lot more sense now, but at the same time . . . it also doesn’t. ]

I can actually— that’s the power?

[ HE’S SO CONFUSED ]

I-It doesn't make people steam-

[His eyes widen as he sees Eren's skin healing up. Elliot's seen regeneration numerous times now, thanks to his own power. He knows what it looks like. But this? He knows he didn't cast it, so to see it happening right now is-]

Wh-what?! H-How-?

[HE IS SO CONFUSED TOO]

I don’t know–?!

[ he’s never seen himself heal in his memories, or even have injuries that needed that— well, there was one, but he doesn’t know which point in time it had taken place in. he doesnt remember himself as an amputee, yet. but even then, it’d be impossible to just grow them back. and what’s . . . weirder? ]

I went all day like this . . . [ so why didn’t he start healing up sooner? ] And— this happened a few days ago too, but I thought it was those crackers you made me.

T-That's- It shouldn't work like that. My magic starts working instantly. [Though a thought crosses his mind]

Th-Then again, I can give people regeneration for short periods. Wh-What if this is a side effect from long term exposure?

[DID I GIVE PEOPLE POWERS ACCIDENTALLY? SHOOT]

[ did eren get wizard cooties ]

it’s . . . Temporary, you think? [ honestly, though— it actually makes him feel better, thinking that he got this from elliot rather than coming from him, directly. he doesn’t seem . . . too distressed. in fact. ] Is there anyone else we can keep an eye on?

I d-dunno.

[Meanwhile Elliot definitely has Concerns about this theory. It was true his magic's been getting stronger the past few months. It's been bleeding into his cooking, his singing-- but now this? How much further could this go?]

I could ask my roommates. And maybe a couple people I've healed...

It’s not . . . Bad, though.

[ once the open flesh seems to have closed, it stops steaming, but the rest continues to mend and smooth out. it doesn’t hurt anymore. flexing his fingers, it looks . . . wow. he’s a little hot, but. nice and smooth again. eren begins rolling up one of his sleeves. ]

That’s why this disappeared, too?

[ oh wait that’s his tattoo arm— where’s the tattoo . . . ]

[!!!!!!!!!]

What?! Your tattoo's gone?!

[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]

. . . Yeah. [ geez, from the reaction, he really did enjoy it. don’t worry, eren heavily disliked the disappearance as well, that thing was his pride and joy. ]

It started fading out when I got that fever. I went back to the shop and thought it was something wrong with their ink. [ because that could happen, but only if it’s a lot more than shitty, and eren was the only case. he presses a finger into his skin and runs over it, brows creasing. ] If it heals scars, then it can heal this.

[Honey he totally stared and felt it up every time he saw it of course he enjoyed it.

But man, this power is intense. First scars, and now the tattoo? Having something that can heal you up is handy, but losing a tattoo was a bit much. And if Eren did somehow get it from him.......]

...I'm sorry.

[ when ya boy too good for this world, much too good. eren’s eyes narrow off as he looks at his own lap, taking in a deep breath and pinching the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes while he exhales. when he looks back to elliot, he looks— completely rueful. maybe the steaming sidetracked them a bit, but . . . he didn’t forget one bit what they were talking about. ]

You’re not the one who should be saying sorry, Elliot.

[ it’s just— a dumb tattoo. a nice asthetic, but what’s that compared to complete regeneration? if it truly came from eren, it brought on some questionable . . . things. but if it came from elliot, that apology would make him feel worse, now. ]

Look at this, [ he holds his hands out to him, palms up, smooth and clean from any sort of blemish. ] And look at what I did.

[Sorry Eren, it's just still very easy for him to fall onto the guilt train. But Eren reminding him of that much brings him back down a little. He sucks in a little air]

R-Right...Sorry. Got sidetracked...

[He'll ask his roommates later if they noticed anything off about themselves. No need to jump to conclusions and guilt until then. Not when they were dealing with a bigger issue at hand right now.

Which the first step of trying to figure out how to better control this stuff? Is to try to understand it. ]

You said...i-in that memory...you were biting yourself to try to use your power...?

[ he shakes his head, because— it was hard not to get a little sidetracked when you’re steaming. he just . . . didn’t want to be the one to get an apology from all this. it wasn’t deserved or the place for it.

he’s already feeling bad for dumping that information on elliot earlier, and now, since he’s already got it out there, makes an effort to keep the finer details at a minimum. if he didn’t want to know about it, he can imagine other people. his gaze turns a little stoney when he looks for the words to pick. ]

Yeah. But nothing happened. [ . . . ] I’ve had ones where it’s worked though, so I know they’re real.

I believe you.

[That they're real, anyway. Outside dreams of freedom, Eren was far from the whimsical type. He wouldn't think to use powers that weren't there. ]

I...I think next time you try to figure out what the power is, you should have someone with you. It'd be safer that way, especially when you don't know what it is...

And...they can make sure you don't get carried away again.

[ the fact that he isn’t hearing this the first time makes his chest sink a little and gaze look away, almost in shame. eren, why didn’t you listen to your friends the first time? dave and john told him. they even offered themselves. and he just had to go and be stubborn, even if he didn’t have full intention of doing what he did— he still got caught up in a memory, alone, and james only got there when most damage was done. ]

. . . I’ll have to plan this out more than I thought.

[ even the right type of people— he wouldn’t ask for elliot to come alone with him, for example. ]

It’ll be worse if someone gets hurt because they’re there.

That's why you should pick people who would be careful, and know the risks. And I can always go too, I mean, might not be a bad idea to have a healer...

[Yeah, that's not going to fly as a reason to let him do it alone. Not after this.]

And you should do it somewhere secluded. Somewhere where we don't have to worry about people passing by...

[Though that, admittedly, is a challenge in a city the size of this one]

I thought about you. Dave and John, too.

[ and then he’d feel more comfortable than either of them alone. hah— elliot was an asset to a team, and that wasn’t because he was biased! as for a place . . . since people walk around the woods, and that’s the only place secluded enough . . . ]

Recollé Woods, but— deeper. A lot of people go there to practice their things, so . . . It’s the farthest I could think of.

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