fiddlestick | IC Contact

[ He lets Eren lead the way, not the least bit inclined to let go of Eren's hand as they walk. It's still hard to get used to this painted scenery. He misses the sights of the beach and all the different colors and textures that went into the world. Even with things painted, everything has a sense of missing something.

At least the people are still in full color. After awhile he opts to keep his eyes on Eren when he's not watching where he's going. He'll sit down in the chair Eren pulls out for him, with a thank you, then reaches out to nudge out the chair next to his with his foot. ]

Haha, or it doesn't taste like paint, yeah.

—Would it?

[ that’s— actually a good question. but before he goes over to his own kicked out seat, eren’s palm caresses the back of elliot’s neck through his hair, a gentle thank you before he parts ways to sit opposite of him.

a waitress already comes to take their orders, and eren goes for a big one— bacon and pancakes and scrambled eggs with a side of

you get it he’s eating for the entire room ]

Dunno. Hope not.

[But he has no idea really if it would or not. And while Eren orders for the whole room, Elliot will just order an omelet with a side of hash browns and some orange juice. He does not have Eren's intense appetite.]

Haha...not often we get to go out breakfast together.

[ it’s even more relieving at least, that he’s feeling more like himself. a lot more like himself, for someone who’s been cherry picking at food for these last handful of rather bad days. he might’ve even gotten slightly thinner—? nothing the food and activity he’ll be getting back into now wouldn’t fix it. it’s hardly noticeable. ]

It’s a good change. [ they always went out for occasional lunches, mostly dinners. breakfast was a luxury, with eren’s schedule . . . ] Air Force training always started so early.

[ . . . he liked breakfast with elliot. a lot (what didn’t he like with elliot). he eyes elliot a little and lifts his brows with a smile as a started tea is served to them. ]

I still want to make it for you.

[Elliot gives him a smile. That's right, he remembers Eren mentioning wanting to make breakfast for him too]

I still want to eat what you make too.

[he likes cooking breakfast, and he was good at it. But he wasn't so set on it that he wouldn't love to take a morning off and have Eren cook it for him.

But the air force...right. He remembered how early Eren would have to leave to go, the few times he stayed over]

Have you...given much thought to...you know? [that's vague] Leaving the air force?

[ the same way he loved elliot’s breakfasts and the thought of waking up to those were beauties—he wants to give just as much as he indulges, also because cooking for elliot was also incredibly indulging. he’ll never forget the first time!!

but, yes, the matters. ]

. . . Constantly. [ especially to keep his mind off the problem. if he was going to get through it, he needed a plan, and he’s glad he did. even before it showed up. ] —I talked to Andrew about it a while back, before all this. I only wanted to tell you when I was sure of it.

And I’m sure of it. My contract ends after August.

[ bomb dropped. like, the real one. ]

After August...that's not that far away.

[Only a few months. Sure, it would probably feel like a lot longer- but it's better than years. And one good part of communication being cut off is it meant he was way less likely to be deployed in that time.

But Elliot knows one thing.]

If you're sure of it, and you've given it hard thought ... you know I'll back you up with whatever you decide.

[ eren’s smile lengthens, as soft and sweet as it was, but he holds both hands out, palms up and asking for elliot’s hands to fill them. ]

You can say it, you know.

[ he’s implying, smile turning a little (just a little) more sly to it. elliot’s orange juice also gets served, along with eren’s giant cup of milk. food’s thenext one on the way! ]

[He'll immediately reach out to take Eren's hands, his palms facing down to touch Eren's as he wraps his fingers around]

Say what?

[Aw yaais orange juice. He'll let go of one of Eren's hands so he can get a straw into his juice, but he's still holding onto the other]

[ he needs to chug more of his share as well, and takes advantage of the free hand to do just that. ]

That you like it.

[ it’s absolutely great to be supportive about anything he does!! but!! he has a feeling . . . it’d also make elliot a happier person in the long run. ]

[Ah. He sighs and lets his shoulders relax, offering him a small smile]

Guess I should've known I couldn't hide things from you.

[Eren knew him well, and he was very perceptive. Moreso than most gave him credit for.]

...Yeah. I like it. A lot. I never wanted to say anything because I didn't want to get in the way of your dream, but... [Might as well confess] I always hated the idea of you being deployed.

Edited 2018-05-15 01:30 (UTC)

[ and— just when their food arrives! the table receives an extreme make over, complete with plates and food that. luckily, have been painted! in very odd colors but thank you unnamed stranger somewhere in recollé so we don’t have to paint these ourselves. ]

Just like I can’t hide things from you. [ whether it was for a greater good, eren just— couldn’t. he breaks. this whole fiasco is proof that sooner or later, elliot knows. eren’s hungry, and he already has a fork and knife in each hand, but . . . he stares quietly at his plates with a softened smile that extends back to elliot. ] I didn’t realize how much of a duty it was then. I didn’t even realize what deployment would actually mean. It was all—

[ what’s a good word . . . he slouches back some and places his silverware back on top of his main plate. ] Romantic. It wasn’t realistic at all.

[He'll thank the waiter as the food gets brought out. Thank goodness they don't have to paint anything. The omelette even looks edible, strange coloring aside.

But oh no, there's Eren's self-deprecation. ]

The romantic view wasn't a bad thing, you know. I mean...maybe you were a little naive, but...

[He offers him a small, reassuring smile]

Your passion, romantic as it was, it's what drew me to you in the first place.

[ . . . smile to smile, eren’s eyes light up. ]

You won’t lose that.

[ eren still plans to continue being as passionate about what he does as he had been in the past with the air force. he’s changed, but not so drastically. there was still eren in him that he wanted to police himself to keep and never lose over time. at least, he didn’t want to go down paths that would bring about that risk all over again. cutting into pancakes and whisking syrup over his bacon, eren starts eating. even if blue and orange gets him to side eye a little. pretend it’s food coloring, because the rest is really delicious! ]

Not even next semester.

[ although next semester is technically in september, and that means RU, and that also means . . .

:) ]

Next...semester?

[that's a very specific choice of words. Elliot will take a bite out of his omelet, chewing and swallowing before continuing. It'd be a shame to let the eggs get cold after all]

What are you hinting at, Eren...?

I want to start studying again.

[ he was never big on it, at least what he always thought— but that was one hell of a contradiction if you take into account how much he studied to get into the Air Force with high marks and get into good classes. ]

So RU’s a good place to aim for, right?

[!!

There's a surprised look on his face. Eren's coming to RU? To study? Then a smile appears on his face]

Yeah, it is. Got a field in mind?

[ it’s just the right amount of surprise mixed with a healthy dose of happy that eren’s pleased! digging into his food in between, he raises his shoulders while he waits to finish chewing. it’s not that he didn’t know, but— it might come as even more of a surprise. ]

Paramedicine.

[ you bet he just drop kicked his dad in the face ]

[!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Paramedicine??

[Okay color him surprised]

W-Whoa, I didn't think you had any interest in medicine with your dad.

Not when he kept shoving it on me, yeah. And I’m still not going to be a doctor.

[ he’s finished his green scrambled eggs (that was a joke he bets), and takes a small break from the rest to explain. he’s going to need all his attention for it. ]

But I like what Mom does— and what you do. [ what elliot does was music, but— ] That accident on campus showed me something, especially when I saw you. [ in actuality: he’s been thinking about this longer than he actually lets on. ] How many lives can I help save If I know what to do to save them?

—How many would I save if I tore a building down, full of families, because it’s my job?

[ he doesn’t even mean that metaphorically, because he has torn buildings down, as faraway of a past it was, and elliot is sharp enough to know that by now. he pauses to think about it, and hopefully he’s made it clear. war is sometimes meaningless, and he’d still be involved with the death of people who’re still people, some of which have nothing to do with politics. he’s protecting his country, sure— but he’s contributing much more to death than to life.

that’s enough for one life, right? ]

[ He listens to Eren's reasoning, eating some of his own omelet while Eren talks so he doesn't just stare at him the whole time. It's still surprising, especially the part where Eren's been admiring what he does. People give him lots of praise, but he reacted mostly by feeling grateful for being useful. That he could actually help people-

- Ah.

Eren's reasoning isn't too different from his brother's, why he choose to become a firemen instead of a soldier, now that he recalls. Talk about giving him something to think about. But he'll table it for now. ]

Eren...

[he gets the sense that hypothetical is not a metaphorical one. He'll reach over to touch his boyfriend's hand]

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and that's really good. But I want to make sure...you're thinking of taking this path because you want to, right? Not out of guilt for things that happened in your past life?

[It's an important distinction. He can support Eren wanting out of the military, he can understand why. But Eren making decisions based on feeling the need to atone for what he did in a previous life instead of his actual desires ... that wouldn't solve the lack of freedom problem. The bars of the cage would change, but they'd still be there]

Edited 2018-05-18 13:50 (UTC)

[ for a minute— a second, actually, eren looks surprised. that was almost plausible, but . . . this time it wasn’t a present problem. it could’ve been, if eren had been guided down a different path with his memories, but.

that was not the case. he flips his hand up to take his boyfriend’s. ]

No— I never thought of it like that. Never. [ he had to reassure him, though, and it’s genuine reassurance. it’s easy to tell when eren’s lying, the same way it’s easy to tell when he wasn’t. although—

he looks sad as he lowers his head, and stares at his food. ]

That wasn’t . . . Me anymore.

[ the sadness was temporary; obviously there, because it was a saddening fate, but he inhales sharply to shake it off. the truth stands: that wasn’t him. he felt no guilt for it. it wasn’t as if the other eren wanted to either— he simply categorized it at the time as necessary. he wonders, for a moment, if that makes him a bad person, or if the fact that he didn’t feel guilty or even thought to be was a problem.

. . . he had to just leave that alone. do differently now. that wasn’t him. ]

If I could make that choice now, then I’ll have my dream. My real dream.

[ hidden under all that flying nonsense. there was a reason for it, he just never really worded it right. ]

[Fortunately, Eren is pretty easy to read for Elliot if he's lying or not. It's partly because Eren's a pretty honest guy, and partly because Elliot's known him for so long. He is watching for Eren's tells, but everything Eren is saying seems very genuine. It was a relief to hear.

Though...that wasn't Me anymore? That's a rather foreboding statement, more so than usual separation people make from their past self. Had something changed in the other Eren, to make lose himself? Then again...so many of his later actions did sound so different from the Eren he knew and loved...

This probably wasn't time to dwell on it. They were here now. Eren wasn't in that old life, and Elliot felt convinced Eren knew that too. He'll reach over to touch Eren's hand, offering him a smile]

Alright. Then you have my support, 100%.

[ if there’s anything that could make eren shake every bit of what was remotely considered grieving, it was this. all the creases on his face are smoothed out, eyes relaxing like melting butter. maybe his hands felt like they were pooling into a big pile of warm feelings.

he takes each hand in his own until he’s raising one to press his lips into reverently. ]

Thanks. For everything. If I have this outlook on memories now, it’s because you started it. [ lowering elliot’s hand, he rubs his fingers into them, still with growing affection, but guiding him back to his silverware. they should eat. ] That day in the woods, when I broke my ribs.

[Eren you're such a romantic. His heart melts at the gesture, he squeezes Eren's hands in return. That day in the woods...he hasn't forgotten it. ]

I remember that day...

[The worry, the upset, and yet... They've both come a long way since then. They've both grown, together. ]

Though you should know, the reason why I hold the views I do on the memories...it started because of you. [He gives a little shrug as he picks up his fork again] I don't like the idea of a life without you in it.

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