fiddlestick | IC Contact

[..........

Elliot meanwhile seems...much less enthused. In fact, he looks downright apprehensive. Eren's been avoiding him for nearly two weeks, acted weird during their anniversary, and now he's doing this? With no warning even...

He doesn't take his hand, saying with an unsure tone that is very different than his normal reaction since normally Elliot's very happy to drop everything and spend time with him.]

...Right now? I'm practicing piano.

[ that is very different indeed. very, very different than what eren was expecting and it makes a fissure in smile, a crack of thought that perhaps he had messed this up before he even got to start which was horrifying and anxiety inducing all on its own.

it actually hurts, but eren can’t completely throw away elliot’s reasoning for it as invalid. he’s been super weird, he knows he has. look at their god damn anniversary, like what was that?

but he needs to, and beckons again. his happiness has been stricken, but he is not yet deterred. not today he won’t be. ]

Please— We need to talk. [ his hand is there open and hovering further into the room. ] I’ve known about that more than you the past week.

[....Wrong words Eren. His expression goes from apprehensive to an outright frown when Eren says that last bit about knowing more than him. ]

...Have you? You're the one whose been doing the avoiding. Not me.

[Maybe upgrade that "perhaps" to a "definite yes" Eren, if his body language has anything to say about it. He's not reaching for that hand, instead keeping them at his side.]

If you wanna talk, come inside and talk to me. Please.

[ eren, in the end, is still a god damn fool. ]

I know, and—

[ so, that completely kills everything. it’s his fault, but all the smiles break into worry as soon as he’s done the no, complying immediately and climbing inside to talk to him. he inhales, he holds his breath— eren is getting nervous, but not the good kind of nervous. this was not how he wanted to break news and keeps his hands to himself for now, only shuffling over and sitting down somewhere (the bed, a chair, anywhere to be shorter than elliot right now).

no beating around the bush. he knows not to play with that upset fire in his boyfriend’s eyes. ]

The present I gave you wasn’t the present I had planned for our anniversary. Or at all. [ a pause, just to make sure he’s following. ] I was so nervous I’d blow it before things were back to normal that I was— [ gesture ] that.

[ confession two: ]

. . . I even asked Akira to help me keep you busy because I was making things worse. I’m sorry, it— [ got that far, no. for everything. ] I’m sorry.

[As Eren comes into the room, Elliot will walk over to properly shut the window. There's no escaping out of this one Jaeger.

Also way to throw Akira under the bus. ]

I thought he was around an awful lot. I'll talk to him later too.

[In other words, Akira is doomed too.

He listens to Eren's explanation, his arms crossing again. He closes his eyes a moment and take a deep breath before opening them again. ]

If that was the case, you should've just said so. I would've understood "I had something planned but something came up", you know. But instead you .... [Treated him like an idiot, but he won't voice that, choosing to sigh and shakes his head]

I know you like doing the big romantic gestures and having the world turn weird threw you off, but...did you ever stop to consider what I'd actually want?

Edited 2018-10-01 19:23 (UTC)

[ long term, maybe yes, but short term— no. no he had not. he had not thought of what elliot would have wanted or else they wouldn’t be here in the first place.

so quietly, he just shakes his head. it’s saddened and subdued and had no other reasons to back himself up other than a selfish one. don’t talk to him eren thinks, but, is telling elliot what he should or not really the right thing to say here? ]

I would’ve ended up telling you. [ which was the whole point of not saying anything, because eren wouldn’t be able to keep quiet, but. to akira again: ] That was my fault. [ he shouldn’t get the blame for something that eren pulled him into, but.

right, he has every right to think and feel what he was feeling.

he has nothing to say here, not anymore. he’s said everything. and now, the most important moment of his life, their lives, was just ruined by eren jaeger alone. he sits there, pressing his lips together and too ashamed to say “sorry” a second time, because those are only words. instead, eren’s eyes shimmer and they downcast, hiding the redness pooling under them and forcing himself to hold his breath.

he almost felt like he should be leaving, but didn’t have the guts to say or do so. he couldn’t leave now, but proposing just felt like a cover up for a bigger problem. pointing out that he hadn’t thought of elliot rings at the back of his mind and hurts him more than any truth he’s heard about himself. ]

[Elliot remains standing. It's very rare that Elliot gets mad. He didn't have much of at temper, and he usually forgave people pretty quickly. He wouldn't even say he was mad at Eren right now, just really...frustrated. And disappointed.

He loved Eren with all his heart, but right now it felt like Eren was incapable of seeing him.]

Who-

Who cares if you would've told me?! I want you to tell me things! God, that's all I've been asking for!

[To let him in. To tell him about his memories, to tell him what was going on. How many times have they had a conversation like this? How many times has Elliot reached for Eren only to find a wall?

He clenches his jaw and looks down at the floor. He can feel his eyes watering.]

I...I love you, Eren. I don't need some big perfect moment you've built up in your head. I just...I just need you.

[ eren once told someone that changing yourself was probably the hardest thing to do. you do not change over night. he’s learned how to open up and tell him every thing from eating people to how he felt about, and how he viewed fighting— but getting over one of the most simplistic things had been the worst of all.

he had hurt him, without meaning to, but he had done so regardless. it pains him to see the tears in elliot’s eyes when he looks up and back down. he needs to try harder, much harder. he was far from the perfection he wanted to be for such a man, but hard it was, to accept that he’ll never be “perfect” for anyone. he was built human, who are all born with flaws, and together with the flaws is what makes eren. what makes elliot love eren and eren love elliot.

he only pulls elliot to his side, gently by the wrist before his hand slides to his fingers and goes back to his side for elliot’s space, just a gesture to sit down, for them to not be so far away, because neither of them wanted that. he’s crying, they’re both crying— but at least it’s because they love each other, not because of the opposite. ]

I want to give more than my best for you. [ he’s sorry, he’s sorry, he’s so sorry, words cannot express it. ] Because that’s always what you give me.

[ and that, to eren is the most sacred thing that he wants to take care of, he wants to hold his hand. he wants to give him the world. he wants to see him smiling everyday with happiness. not this. ]

I’m not doing that if I just think of you my way.

[ and maybe, he really does need to work on his selfishness. he’s always masked it with selflessness, but here they were. ]

[If it means anything, Elliot won't actually resist being pulled over to Eren's side. He isn't forthcoming with any gestures himself, but he'll sit down next to him. There's tears in his eyes that he's blinking back.

His voice is quieter now. Elliot wasn't a yeller, and he just feels tired and sad]

I...That's the thing, I don't always give you my best. If anything, you've seen more of my flaws than anyone else. I... [Eren had known him before the app came, before he ever became a mage. Back when he was a weak and scared kid that left most people unimpressed.]

[he swallows]

What were you planning? Tell me.

. . . Alright, but— [ eren stops, presses his lips together. ] They’re hardly flaws to me. [ before he gets to any sort of explanation to the real deal. his eyes and throat are still burning with tears and redness, and while he’s cautious about it (because as always, he doesn’t want easy forgiveness for any wrong he does), the back of his hand touches elliot’s fingers. ]

Look at you. When would you have ever said those things, in that way, to someone?

[ he’s fixed and grown with them so fast that eren’s own flaws seem to have grown larger in comparison, or that he was going forwards in some places and backwards in others. being a human being is hard. ]

And how many times have you said that to me?

[ in varying levels of frustration, but until now they’ve just grown. that’s not something to be proud of, on eren’s side of things, but . . . he’s certainly proud of elliot.

he’s grown, but definitely little in comparison. he’s disappointed and upset, more than ever, to have at him down, again. and for something so stupid. it won’t . . . even feel the same. he put in too much expectation for himself since the start of this plan and forgot everything else.

he takes elliot’s hand this time now, firmer because he didn’t want to let him feel alone or stupid or anything that was supposed to make elliot feel the opposite of what he should be feeling with eren. he sighs, and when he looks straight into elliot’s eyes they’re just as damp. ]

I have a lot of work to do.

Edited (my god damn thumbs!!!!) 2018-10-02 01:08 (UTC)

[Whether it was intentional or not, that sure throws him off the game. He doesn't really think about how much he's changed over the past year. How he's grown bolder, more assertive of his feelings. In the heat of the moment, he didn't think about how much he's changed - he was just reacting to what was going on.

But having it pointed out? Well, it makes him fluster a little. Even if he's still upset, he finds himself turning a bit pink and getting a bit tongue tied]

That- um. [Ugh!!!] T-That's not important.

[yeah!! The hand will stay in Eren's. He's not sure what Eren is getting at by the "lot of work to do". But his anger is definitely starting to burn out. He's hardly the one for long rages]

Look...just...not everything has to be perfect. Not with me. Okay?

[ that’s . . . really hard of a view to see. eren can’t see it as fast as he would like, and quietly, eyes going from elliot’s pink cheeks to his held hand, he sighs through his nose.

it’s really, really hard to not want everything to be perfect, especially with elliot. eren will be honest, he won’t lie, and it comes out as huffed, short laugh. he’s not laughing though, his lips have yet to feel comfortable smiling. he still feels like a god damn fool. ]

It’s a challenge when I love you the way I do.

[ but challenges are made get over. and he would widen his horizon.

but, um, and no you don’t??? you’re not getting away from that one— and not because eren’s trying to soften him, at least not intentionally. eren keeps one hand on elliot’s, on his lap, while the other slips to his pocket. ]

Elliot— you know It’s as important as shortcomings.

[He knows it's hard for Eren. It's hard for Elliot sometimes, with the perfectionist that he is. But he knew it was important not to try to be like all the time. If he couldn't trust himself to show his flaws and shortcomings to the person he loves the most, that was a real bad sign]

Then it's a good thing you love a good challenge.

[No backing down from this one!!

And jeez not this again]

S-Sure, but it's embarrassing when you point it out....

[ it’s also a great distraction, that this is actually being this time. eren’s lips quirk, only a snippet at the comment of a challenge and rolling his shoulders to mask the movement of his free hand, slipping back out of his pocket with the mystery trinket tucked into his fingers. the fingers on elliot’s hand continue to rub over his skin, rolling across his fingers to soothe his tense frame and ease them out of that— that zone. he hated that zone.

even if it was good for them. it’s just the type of good he wishes he could have as less of as possible. he doesn’t want it to become a habit. ]

Then we both have challenges.

[ the thing that he slips right into elliot’s third finger (left hand) fits like a glove. so subtle, anatomical to the point that it’s tailored to feel completely part of you. eren finally settles both hands on elliot’s, gripping into a more natural hold, a gentle squeeze as he sucks in a nervous, shaky breath. he’s trembling inside all over again and his throat goes unbelievably dry. ]

You’re not proud of it?

[Elliot luckily is still feeling distracted by Eren's question that he doesn't even notice the movements. He's too busy trying to wrack his brain to explain why he thinks he sucks without outright saying it because apparently?? you're not supposed to say that??]

I-It's not that. I just have a long way to go--

[Wait. What that feeling on his ring finger? He stops mid sentence and looks down....and gapes. Oh lord his jaw drops]

Whaaaaaaaaa-?!

[ oh, my god, he’s screaming. eren’s hands are shaking as they open up for elliot and god he can’t stop shaking, but—!

the ring is a valuable looking thing the minute eyes set on it; a beautiful shine of rose gold at its highest carat, banded with another hoop of platinum in its middle, and finally, a larger diamond, studded into the ring’s front frame and trailing off in pavé setting. the prongs make it all shine like a star even though there’s no ring pop sized diamond on his hand. instead, there are many diamonds. hovering his hands under elliot’s now, he leans over to hold it up a little closer.

exactly the way he imagined it. and it was possibly at that moment that eren understood what elliot has been saying, and from his lips curl the most apologetic smile.

he didn’t need to take him out flying, onto the highest point in the city with the greatest view to do this. and maybe he did have a certain necessity for the ring’s natural appearance, because there were more important things on the inside, but— he didn’t need anything else. he just needed elliot, and looking up at him and his ginger rosey hair, his lips hold the most subtle of trembles out of emotion. pure emotion. ]

It’s . . . Exactly the way I thought you’d look.

[ look at it, examine it, take it off to get to know it— if he does, on the inside is “Eren” written in delicate cursive, followed by musical notes that

if read by a musician, reads out an actual song, and matches elliot’s composed piece, the one written for them. ]

[Excuse you but Elliot's brain needs a moment to catch up here. Right now, he's staring at the ring in complete shock. That sure was a ring on his finger. A very fancy ring. Elliot didn't know the first thing about jewelry or gemstones, but he knew it was beautiful. Stunning honestly.

And it's impossible for him not to get the meaning of it. This was...

Holy crap. This is...what?]

I-

[He starts stuttering]

Um- I, er-

[Elliot.exe has stopped functioning. Please restart it. ]

[ :))))

okay, so . . . he needs more time. and that’s what he was waiting for. while his now fiancé reboots, eren will take something else stowed away in his other pocket— another ring, the same one in image, albeit a little larger to fit in eren’s fingers. he pinches it between his fingers and places it in the middle of elliot’s palm. inside, it reads in the same beautiful cursive: Elliot, complete with the music notes to the same song. ]

Even if we’re still waiting, [ eren’s hands begin gripping elliot’s arm, settling on his back. oh, his heart. his heart is skyrocketing and it’s never beaten so fast before, not even when he was nervous. ] I wanted to make it official. I wanted—

[ a dry swallow here, but he’s smiling. ]

I want to tell everyone who I’m getting old with. Especially you.

[ so eren just proposed in a room on a bed, after a discussion, and he’s feeling great. he . . . knows what the answer is, but he can’t help feeling anxious and excited to hear it anyway. ]

Edited 2018-10-03 11:16 (UTC)

[If his eyes could get any wider, they do when Eren puts that ring in his hand. He can see now the inside of the ring. He notices is name, and the notes? He recognizes the melody right away. He did write the thing, after all.

This was true emotional whiplash. From a fight to a proposal. He swallows a few times, getting a hold of his emotions here. Did he love Eren and want to spend his life with him? Absolutely. There was never a question of that, not since the scare they had back in spring.

But now to see the rings and hear a proposal...it's all so more real.

He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes...]

... S-Small wedding, just friends and family. Two surprises max. [he knows Eren loves his surprises okay]

And not until after we graduate, okay?

[It was a yes, but he wanted to make things clear what he wanted. Actually voicing his opinion on the matter, it shows how far he's come.]

Two—

[ eren— completely breaks out into a tearful grin when all is said; none of them fall past his eyelids but they’re far too full and if he blinks they’re probably going to drip right onto their laps. from a fight to a proposal, and to hear everything play out is far different from when they would dream and comment about a later life.

it’s very real. he’s still shaking, especially when he holds his hand out, fingers spread for elliot to have a place to slip that ring he’s holding onto the right place. consider him stepped on.

with a breathy laugh, eren presses his forehead to elliot’s the way he’s always done and swears that he’ll always do. two surprises only!! but he’ll take it. he loves to hear him speak out. he loves to hear his heart, compared to him keeping quiet a handful of those years ago and even only the last year back. he nods, he nods because he agrees with everything, from the friends and family to only after graduation.

and only two surprises at maximum. ]

Don’t ever stop showing yourself. [ because that’s what eren has always seen inside since day one, what he’s fallen in love with, and what he loves, and he can’t help but to close his eyes and kiss him with a wet face and happy smile. this is what he fights for. he’ll never let it slip from his fingers for anything. ]

Two.

[Elliot breaks out in his own tearful grin, laughing so softly and lovingly. His hands are shaking a little, but he'll carefully slip that ring onto Eren's ring finger, matching it with his own. Then he'll hold onto that hand as Eren presses that forehead against his.

This whole conversation had been a roller coaster. From a fight to a proposal, it's a real rush of emotions. It almost doesn't feel real, but he knew it was very real at the same time. ]

As long as you're by my side. [It was easy to be himself with Eren there. Eren always accepted, loved and encouraged him. He wouldn't be this far if it wasn't for Eren.

He'll return that kiss, his smile just as big and his cheeks quickly getting wet too. At least this time, it's tears of joy]

[ eren wants to just repeat i love you, i love you, i love you but only manages to hug him tightly and laugh a second time. he’s sorry for the mess, he’s sorry for keeping so quiet and hiding it from him to the point that it looked like something was wrong, but—

lesson very learned, and in the end, everything came together. they’re probably smiling so much they’re bumping teeth, but eren hardly cares for it. ]

You know what day it is today?

[ he asks, his lips against the side of elliot’s face after hardly pulling away from the kiss, his arms around him. ]

[Elliot hardly cares either, it's not like he's about to stop smiling. He stays close to him, pausing when he asks because Elliot remembered their anniversary but Eren was always better at remembering milestones like that]

Uh... October 1st...?

[ then he could rack up extra points on other ends. pulling back enough to let his hands be the ones to caress elliot’s face, he settles with fixing his growing hair back behind his ears. elliot could work the pony tail better than eren. eren’s stuck in the messy manbun zone forever. ]

The day I first kissed you.

[ an awkward press of lips, but his first. eren’s first given kiss to the person he can’t imagine being different, or someone else. eren shifts his ring hand on top of elliot’s now, showing their rings side by side— he just couldn’t be happier. he could be happier. ]

I love you.

[Eren he can do your hair for you, you know. That's a relationship perk.

Elliot will look a little impressed]

Really...? I remember that kiss...you actually remembered the day, huh? [He glances at those rings side by side, feeling a bigger fluttering feeling his chest. From their first kiss to being engaged, in one year. It was hard to believe, and yet feels so right]

I love you too. Forever.

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