Gossip Group Chat

[fiddlestick]

Central Perk Gossip Crew
Spare No Details


MEMBERS:

Zulius

Waver

Venti

Persie

Elliot

Rose

Dia

Wrio

Josuke

Furina

H.C.

Caleb

J.Y.

Arno

Ed

Comments

text | un: captainkenway

[jackdawvision]

PLEASE tell me what the devil they've gotten up to this time, we're on a deserted island halfway across the Atlantic Ocean and I've a thirst for updates.

[fiddlestick]

That guy with the lesbian ex-wife? The lesbian ex-wife is pregnant. With his baby.

Why are you halfway across the Atlantic?

[jackdawvision]

His lesbian ex-wife is what now. Bloody fucking hell, at least tell me he's paying for the child.

Contract work. I'm not certain I can say more than that. I notice you've added Venti to this chat, you can ask him for more details.

[fiddlestick]

I know, I feel bad for her, she was so close to fully escaping. But it sounds like he's not sure how involved he'll be. Apparently there was a fight about which last name the baby will take.

Ohhh I see. I had a feeling something big was going down, Jusis has been swamped with ay more paperwork than usual.

[jackdawvision]

I want to tell her to take the babe, give it her last name, and leave the city for good. The man's already looking at another woman, after all.

Aye, that's about all I'm sure I can talk about. I'd apologize to your friend (Jusis, was it?) but I'm not actually that sorry.

[fiddlestick]

No kidding. But oh, speaking of that other woman- the Bride? She apparently ruined the lasagna her friend was making for a dinner with their parents by dropping her engagement ring in it.

Jusis is my boyfriend, actually. But don't worry about it. I haven't heard his name pop up in his cursings.

[jackdawvision]

How do you lose an engagement ring by dropping it into someone's lasagna? You'd think it'd be more secure on her finger.

I'd apologize to your boyfriend but I'm not actually that sorry. And good, he has room to curse my name on account of the bill I'll send by the end of this.

[fiddlestick]

Right? I have no idea how someone would be so reckless either.

Oh, something tells me your bill won't come anywhere near the stuff Zhongli likes to send his way. The guy bought a 16,000 dollar cello once for a teenager.

[jackdawvision]

Tell me no one ate the ring, at least.

You're certain? Ship repairs can get very expensive.

[fiddlestick]

No, thankfully. They just ruined the lasagna looking for it.

I'm certain. Ship repairs means you guys have a better chance of returning safely, so it's more than worth the price.

[poisontippedcure]

And couldn’t have found a more suitable father?

Why is it that the people who are stupidest are the likeliest to procreate.

[fiddlestick]

I don't think she got pregnant on purpose.

If anything maybe they slept together in hopes to save the relationship before they gave up and filed for divorced.

I had a relationship like that. Not really my finest moment.

[poisontippedcure]

To each their own, I suppose.

I hope that she is able to find someone better. From what little I observed in the coffee shop, I’m not sure I’d trust him to watch over a sandwich, much less a human child.

un: hotgoss

[bebest]

Okay, I only got to the coffee shop like, yesterday because of the whole post-death-depression-hiding, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut: The Hippie is having her brother's babies.

I think it might be a surrogate situation. Like I HOPE it's a surrogate situation. But she keeps talking about having her brother's babies and it's creep A.F.

tw implied/imagined incest

[jackdawvision]

Ohhh I do believe I just threw up in my mouth a little. I know there's many ways for a woman's womb to quicken these days, but the picture in my head will never go away.

so much of that

[bebest]

Sorry, Ed, but if I have to be privy to this nightmare so do you. Sharing is caring.

Oh right. The olden time thing. It's like, done in a petri dish and they do...idk something? I think a turkey baster is involved? I'm way too gay to understand the unfathomable depths of ladyparts, sorry Bud.

[jackdawvision]

If you care for me you would send the best liquor you have to Copenhagen so I can drown that nightmare in fine wine.

That's fine, I can imagine well enough for the both of us. I was married, and my wife and I knew each other very, very well. Can you really use a turkey baster for that? I bought one a bit ago and it doesn't seem like the ideal vessel for a man's seed.

[bebest]

I mean, my the time it gets there you'll be long gone. How about I wire you some money so you can treat yourself while you're there? Is THAT caring enough?

IDK I guess you can? They always talk about that in like, popular culture. But again, I do not understand what south of the border is like for women. I can only guess and I don't even wanna do that really.

[jackdawvision]

I'll take that money, aye. You know I'd never turn down a bit of cash.

I mean, I suppose you could squirt it inside and hope that it quickens, but it seems all very complicated. And I'm still not sure where the petri dish comes in.

[bebest]

I'll make sure you can go on a bender then. Don't say I never do anything for you xoxo

...Ew. Just. So much ew. And IDK I think they like. Grow a baby in there? I'm too gay for this conversation Edward, I regret all of it :(