fiddlestick | IC Inbox (Kaisou)

Varian...

[Elliot is quiet as he listens. He tries his best to pay attention, but it's made a bit more difficult by the flashes of his own past self's memory coming through, in fragmented bits and pieces: a port city, a man in a black mask, his friend briefly lost in thought and looking briefly so much older than any teenager should, airships and soldats descending upon a city, an empty chair at the dinner table and the sheer pain at what that meant...

He takes a deep breath]

You know....I think I see the common thread in your story. You say you don't believe in magic ... but you seem dead set on finding some magic solution that'll fix everything. With your dad, with your mistake, with being trapped here... even with wanting to sacrifice yourself. It's just...another magic solution.

[....]

You realize that's the one kind of magic that doesn't exist, right? There is no magic cure that'll fix everything. No invention, no special tricks, no machine no science. Not even sacrificing your life will do it. It just leaves everyone else to clean up the mess.

If you want to make things better...you have to work hard at it. Sometimes for a long time. And I don't mean work at stuff you're good at either. In fact, it's more important to try to improve on things that are important but you're bad at.

Do you understand, Varian?

[Varian's quiet, waiting for Elliot to...he doesn't know. Shout, kick him out, tell him to never come near him again. He's still so unused to telling people what he did- he's not sure what to expect as a reaction. He knows what he feels he deserves as a reaction, and as a result, that's what he expects. It's what would make sense.

But that's not what happens. Elliot doesn't offer him the endless reassurance that he's too hard on himself like Rapunzel did. But he doesn't turn his back either. Varian falls quiet, hugging an arm around himself as he listens to what Elliot had to say. If he knew he'd triggered some memories, the guilt would surge anew- but for now, he listens. Tries to take in what Elliot is saying to him.

He's right of course. Even after he was brought back into the fold, he was always looking for an easy way to fix everything. The final incantation, Project Obsidian, both times he's used portals- home and here. A quick simple fix to make everything better again. Even if making things better involved removing himself from the equation. All of it was a hyperfocused fix. ]

I guess I... I just wanted to make it better again. All I've ever wanted is to- to make my dad proud of me. And once I had that I still just kept...doing that. Trying to prove I was good enough for...something. [Existing. ] I've been working as hard as I could...back home. Once Rapunzel had survived and she saved my dad. I spent every waking second I had trying to make things right back home. Even out the balance.

[To put good in where he put so much bad.]

...But you're right. Even that was just...grand fixes. And none of them really fixed anything in the long run. I don't think I know how to do it any other way. But- but I do want to learn.

["All I've ever wanted is to make my dad proud". Oof. Elliot can't deny that explanation hits a little close to home. Sure, he never committed the crimes that Varian did. He just contorted himself and put himself through misery to please his dad until something broke. But still, the feeling behind it is...]

Hey. You are good enough, okay? And not because you're good at building things or at science. You're good enough just being who you are, Varian. Honestly, you could never build something again or just build useless knik-knacks for fun- and you'd still be good enough. At least, as far as I'm concerned.

[Varian didn't have to prove his existence to anyone. He knows from dealing with Rean that Varian probably won't fully believe that right away, but he still wants to say it]

But...I'll try to help you okay? Find a way for you to learn another way. It'll take awhile, and it won't be easy ... but I'm sure it can be done.

[Varian stills, focusing on what Elliot is telling him. He's...really not used to being told that just him is enough. It's a sentiment he's only really started to hear since he got to Kaisou. The bitter, self-loathing part of him wants to dismiss it as people just trying to make him feel better. Placating the kid in case he snaps.

...But the tiny sliver of hope that managed to survive when every other part of him was consumed with anger and hatred clings onto it. He wants to believe it. He wants to believe he can be worth more than what he can make for people.

Even if he's not quite there to have full faith in the sentiment yet.]

...Thank you. I- I appreciate that a lot. I don't know if I believe you, but...I appreciate it all the same.

[Baby steps. The next thing Elliot has to say has him blinking owlishly. Back home he's been kind of left to figure this out on his own. Mostly because there's always a bigger issue to deal with than his own. He's used to it.]

You will? And yeah...yeah I know it wouldn't be easy but I'd be grateful for any help you could give me.

[And to that, he gives a little shrug. He knows.]

It's fine. My friend doesn't always believe it either when I tell him. But I think it's still important to hear it all the same.

[He'll say it as many times as he needs to for it to sink in, really.]

Of course I will. I'm your teacher, it's my job to make sure you learn what you need to learn. [He scratches his jaw] Though, I admit my expertise is in teaching music and not this....so it'll be a learning experience for the both of us!

...Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's- it's really nice to hear. Maybe one day if I hear it enough I might start to believe it.

[He's not so far gone to give it up as a complete lost cause at least.

At that he does manage a little laugh.]

I don't know, back home we sang about things we were struggling with all the time. Rapunzel swears by it helping you out. So you might be more qualified than you realise.

Hehe, that'd be nice to see- but don't feel like you have to push yourself on that to get my approval, okay?

[Because he knows that's a thing with Varian, always wanting approval. He rather the guy not try to lie to get it.]

Really? Sounds like Rapunzel is another believer in the power of music! [Elliot don't say it like that. It sounds like a cult] Well, I wasn't planning to make you sing, but I'll keep that trick in mind.

Oh...um- okay. Yeah. I'll... try to remember that.

[Because Elliot is right on the money on that one. Seeking approval from others is something he genuinely has to work on.]

She really is. [It totally sounds like a cult. He manages a nervous little chuckle.] Thanks. And um...thanks. For listening. And not immediately kicking me out of your home.

[The nerdiest cult there is, tbh]

Hey, I wasn't going to do that. [Throw him out, he means] I'll admit it was more than I was expecting, but I also know it took a lot of integrity and courage to tell me. Especially when you didn't have to.

I'm not about to overlook that. [varian made a lot of mistakes...so many mistakes- but he's clearly trying to be better. this conversation alone was proof of that. ]

Yeah...I know it's-uh. It's a lot to take in.

[Even HE finds it a lot and he lived through it. Still, Elliot's words are helping drop his anxiety down considerably. ]

I felt it was...I don't know, important? For people to know. At least the people who're closest to me. It didn't feel right hiding it from you.

[ ....!]

You consider me a close to you?

[A teenager?? Openly admitting that an adult in their life is important to them??? Elliot hand goes to his chest, he is in awe! True awe!! ]

[Varian's just gonna give him that Good Solid look only a teenager can do when they've decided you're being deeply uncool and extremely weird. He's a teacher. He knows the look.]

Uh...yeah? Why wouldn't I?

[Oh yes he knows the look well. But he is too happy to let it affect him. When you're a high school teacher, you have to savor the rare days you actually get acknowledgement]

Eheh, no reason! It's just nice to hear, that's all.

[He can enjoy the warm glow of being appreciated. ]

Oh. Well. I um... I can always say it more? If that helps? Almost all my friends back home are adults so it's not like it's something I'm...not used to.

[Deeming adults as uncool is thankfully one of the teenage habits he has not picked up, but give him a few more months with Actual Peers and check in on him again on that one. ]

[It's a rare feeling]

Ah, no that's ok! You don't have to do that. I'm not that needy for positive affirmations!

[HE AIN'T AS BAD AS HIS DAD, NO SIREE. He clears his throat]

But really? Did you not have friends your own age?

But it is nice to hear sometimes.

[Because oh boy is Varian that needy.]

Nope. Not back home, anyway. There wasn't anyone my age in my village and there was no one really in the capital, either. Rapunzel is the closest to my age and she's still four years older than me.

Eheh, I can't deny that...

[Elliot knows there's some affirmations he would've liked to heard more, growing up]

Oh, I see. That sounds pretty lonely... [Having someone your age around is important. Elliot knows that much] ...Is that why you built so many robots?

[What he has to ask ok]

I guess. No one ever really spent any time with me anyway, I was used to it.

[The village branded him dangerous and someone to avoid long before he'd earned that moniker. Loneliness was his everyday. He blinks, confused for a moment.]

Huh? Oh! No- no. I copied the design from this inventor, Lord Demanitus. He'd booby-trapped the caverns Rapunzel and I travelled through to find the flower. There was an automaton there. We survived it, but I replicated the design afterwards.

[So not only did this child create a robot army, he created a robot army in the space of a few months after only just seeing said robot once. Just in case Elliot needed more reasons to have a big concern for this lad. ]

[Varian might be used to it...but it sounds very sad to Elliot. No wonder he's so hungry for approval.]

You...replicated a design that you saw. Did you find the blue prints or...?

[He shakes his head.]

No, no. There weren't any blueprints. There was just the machine we had to fight against. I couldn't go back under the castle because I knew they'd up the guards there, so I had to build it from memory.

[He says it like building something he'd only seen once, briefly from memory isn't a hard thing. He's not even bragging about it. It's just something he did. No biggie. ]

[ 💧 ]

Oh.... cool cool cool cool. [Cool.]

I can do that after hearing musical pieces, but that seems like it's on a whole other level.

[And a lot more scary. And dangerous, oh god dangerous]

[Be afraid, Elliot.]

I guess? I never really thought about it before. It's something I've always been able to do, I guess? I can do it with chemicals, too. I don't think it's that much different from being able to do the same with musical pieces- that's pretty impressive, too.

Ohhh, I'd say there's a difference!

Music can do a lot of things for people, but...no musical piece in the world could create a robot, or anything like that.

Funnily enough, mine were powered with a music box on the inside. It's not like we have actual...engines back home yet. In hindsight, they were probably pretty creepy.

[Elliot is taken aback for a second, well - Congrats Varian. For all your long list of crimes, this is the one that earns Elliot's look of sharp disapproval. You don't abuse music kid!! ]

I see. So we clearly need to go over how to ethically use the power of music on top of everything else. Got it.

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