fiddlestick | IC Inbox (Kaisou)

[Elliot's face turns to one of deep sympathy. It's absolutely awful, having his father in such danger and the person he thought could help him couldn't. Not only that, to be treated like a criminal rather than a person in need...

Yeah, he can see why this would be Varian's worst memory. He will save questions for the end, because he knows there's more to this. ]

...Take your time, it's okay.

[As in, collect yourself before going on. Elliot doesn't have anywhere he needs to be. He can have Varian talk at whatever pace he's comfortable with. ]

What happened then?

[Varian nods at the instruction to take his time. He tries to calm his racing mind, taking a few deep breaths. As tempting as it is to break down now, over something still so sharp and painful, that's now why he's here. That's just the explanation of why things happened, he hasn't got to explaining what followed yet.]

I'm okay.

[He really isn't, but he'll lie all the same. He takes a deep breath.]

Rapunzel originally got her powers from this magical flower. It had been crushed into a potion to save the queen when she was pregnant. I thought maybe...maybe if the flower still existed in any way, I could use that on the amber. But I needed to be sure it was still there first.

[And here begins the slip towards the morally dubious which would eventually snowball into full villainy.]

I'd created a truth serum- it compels the drinker to answer any question asked- truthfully. [Just a super fun thing that Elliot can now be aware Varian can do.] I laced some cookies with it and managed to ply the guards into eating them and revealing where the flower was. I then lied to Rapunzel about why I needed to find it and convinced her to help me steal it. I- she knew it was treason to do it, even if she is the Princess. But she helped me anyway. As soon as I found what was left of the flower, I took it and abandoned her to take the fall.

Edited 2022-09-17 01:23 (UTC)

[Well. Talk of magical flowers aside, that list of crimes quickly escalated. He's also suddenly real glad he was the one to make the coffee and not Varian. Not that he thinks the boy is going to drug drinks anytime soon but you know what....let's not forget that factoid.

And as for the rest for it....yeah okay Varian it's really wrong to drug people and set someone else up to take the fall for your crimes. But also, it's real stupid to try that with royalty. So he lets out a sigh as he sets his cup of coffee down.]

Drugging the royal guard and setting up the princess to take the fall for you ... something tells me that came back to bite you later.

[Don't mess with rich people Varian they will make your life miserable]

What happened then? Were you able to save your dad?

[It's a very important factoid to never forget! ]

Oh yeah, it really did.

[Most of the guards still don't trust him to this day which...fair honestly.]

Not then, no. I tried to use the flower but it was...dead. None of the magic resided in it anymore, it was all in Rapunzel. Buuuuut I'd pretty much incinerated that bridge. I thought she'd never help me again, so I decided to take more...drastic action.

[If Elliot didn't like the last Crime Escalation, he sure won't like the next one.]

I built an automaton to attack the castle...it wasn't meant to do anything at that time, I wanted to see how my former friends would fare against it so I could improve the design for later. Then I drugged Ruddiger with a chemical concoction that...well, I guess you could say it turned him into a monster.

[It's exactly what it did. He rubs his arm, guilt biting into his expression- clearly not proud of this at all. ]

I set him on the guards and while he was taking them out and were distracted, I sneaked into the castle and kidnapped the queen. I figured that Rapunzel might not want to help me, but she'd come running to save her mother.

[Oh my God, it keeps getting worse. Not only is there more drugging, there's also now sieging castles and kidnapping people. Kidnapping royalty even. And from his tone, it doesn't even sound like he's DONE.

Elliot will just discreetly...reach into his vest pocket, fiddle around with some wrapper thing in there, until he pulls out a single adult gummy and pop it in his mouth.

Yeah. He's gonna need this.]

W-Well that is...a conclusion, I guess. [You know, if you make every wrong choice possible. Sure. He could see why anyone would kidnap a queen to get someone to help you]

What happened then?

[Varian has no idea what the adult gummy is. He just assumes Elliot is stress-eating like Lance does sometimes.]

I never said it was a good conclusion.

[It definitely was not. It was so goddamn stupid. ]

The guard had been cut down a lot by Ruddiger, so a lot of townspeople joined them and what little was left of the guard on an assault on my village. I knew they were coming and set an army of automatons on them. I'd taken away the only weak point I'd learned from earlier so they were a lot harder to fight. Rapunzel and the king sneaked around back, but I'd been waiting for them to do that too.

[Turns out if Varian's really thinking about something, he's hard to get the jump on. He squirms at the next part- his stomach churning, because oh boy he knows things are only going to get worse. ]

I caught them in a trap and threatened the queen with the same solution that took my father- pouring it out next to the queen. R- Rapunzel agreed to help, to save her mom, even after I told her the process could kill her. I...didn't care then. It didn't work, anyway. It hurt Rapunzel a lot but her hair and the magic in it didn't break the rocks then.

[Then. If only they'd known then what they know now- this could have all been stopped.]

They all got out and I- I was just staring at my dad still stuck and them together and- and something in me just snapped.

[They must not have the death penalty in his country, Elliot concludes to himself as he listens. That is the only explanation here for why Varian is not super beheaded with this ever growing list of extreme crimes. Yep.

And apparently, somehow, it still gets worse. ]

Yeaaah, I'd say something snapped well before this point.... [We're like 10 crimes into something in your brain snapping Varian!!!

But alright, let's continue this wild ride]

But what happened then?

...Yeah, I guess so. Snapped more, then.

[His hands curl around his coffee cup tighter as he stares at the contents, not drinking it. He looks pale and unwell, dreading what's going to come next.]

I um- I'd already built a bigger robot that I could pilot. I attacked them with it. I...I managed to get hold of the queen and Rapunzel's best friend Cass in the hands of it and I- I tried to crush them to death. I told Rapunzel if I couldn't have a happy ending, then neither could she.

[The flat, self-loathing tone he used after the issue with the portal last month is creeping in. He feels sick to his stomach. He nearly destroyed two innocent lives.]

Luckily Rapunzel figured out how to control the rocks before I could actually kill them, but I still hurt them plenty. I was stopped and taken to prison. [He makes a sad noise in the back of his throat.] Do you know the last thing I heard her say before they took me away? She asked them not to be too hard on me- after...after everything I'd done to her. Because that's just the person she is. I just...couldn't see it at the time.

[He wishes he could say story over, but there's more yet.]

I was in prison for a year before I escaped with my cellmate and his...friends. They had big plans for Corona and I...got swept up with them.

[Okay, Elliot has a lot of questions how this kid was able to build so many robots when he said he's from the early 1800's, but he keeps his mouth shut on that. It's not the important part of the story.

The important part is that Varian made active attempts to murder two people, purely out of jealousy and grief. While some may say it's a sign that Varian does have a homicidal side...the self-loathing was more palpable than ever from Varian. He clearly regretted that moment of intense weakness. So if anything, the story just reminds Elliot how young and childish Varian is. Like a child with a broken toy deciding to break another child's toy so things are "fair" -- just taken to an extreme.]

...Mm, she sounds like an incredibly kind and merciful person. Even in this time period, you'd be facing a death sentence in many countries. Though your age might complicate the matter some and give you some mercy ... I couldn't even say that's a guarantee, depending on the country and how the courts ruled.

[He says that quietly, without scorn or judgement of his own. It was just the simple truth of the matter, and important for Varian to understand just how lucky he got by Rapunzel requesting mercy.

But of course...the story isn't over. Elliot sighs and sets down his own coffee, leaning forward. A jailbreak with some guys that already sound bad. This should go great]

What happened after you escaped prison?

[If he ever deigns to ask, there is an answer to that robot question. Though it probably won't make him any less uneasy about Varian's whole deal.

His shoulders slump. At the time he resented Rapunzel for her mercy. He saw it as a mockery, rubbing salt into the wounds of his defeat. He was wrong, about so much back then, he'd give anything to be able to undo it now. ]

I'm fully aware. Criminals in my kingdom faced the gallows or the prison barge for much less. And it's not like I had anyone left who would miss me. Except for Ruddiger.

[Because that raccoon stood by him even after everything Varian had put him through. He closes his eyes, at least glad he's nearing the end of this mess.]

My cellmate, Andrew, he- he was part of this group who were angry with the historic merger of Corona and their kingdom, Saporia. They wanted their kingdom back. I- they convinced me they could help me. I didn't want to hurt anyone at that point, I just wanted...I don't know. I think I just wanted it all to stop. They had this magic wand that erased people's memories. They erased the king and queen's memories and I stepped up, pretending to be their royal advisor. Through them, I had the citizens work in the mines to collect this specific ore I needed to try and replicate the memory magic into a gas. I...I wanted them to just forget me, to forget what I'd done. I wanted to undo it.

[Turns out slave labour and forced memory wipe is the step beyond attempted murder. Varian's lip curls, disgust for himself very much palpable. ]

Like an idiot. I just...thought that would fix everything. Anyway, Rapunzel came back from this trip she'd been on for a year to understand the rocks better. The Saporians then admitted they never planned to erase anyone's memories. My chemical compound was a very good explosive and they planned to board an airship and drop all of it on top of the city. I- razing the place to the ground and murdering everyone wasn't what I'd wanted so I moves against them. I helped Rapunzel get onto the airship with the plan of neutralising the chemical so it couldn't hurt anyone.

[He puts his cup down, moving to rest his hands on his knees, pointedly not looking at Elliot. When he spoke to Fern about this it went down horribly and he can't see it going any better here.]

The Saporians got the jump on us, Andrew tried to kill me for betraying him, but I...got away. But not before he trashed the airship- we needed to get it up in the air before it crashed and destroyed everything. I- I offered to stay behind, to-to use the chemical I'd made to act as a boost to get it up in the air high enough before it blew up. I wanted to clean up my own mess. It- it wasn't fair that she should have risked her life for this when it was my fault we were there at all. After...after everything I put her through, it should have been me.

Varian...

[Elliot is quiet as he listens. He tries his best to pay attention, but it's made a bit more difficult by the flashes of his own past self's memory coming through, in fragmented bits and pieces: a port city, a man in a black mask, his friend briefly lost in thought and looking briefly so much older than any teenager should, airships and soldats descending upon a city, an empty chair at the dinner table and the sheer pain at what that meant...

He takes a deep breath]

You know....I think I see the common thread in your story. You say you don't believe in magic ... but you seem dead set on finding some magic solution that'll fix everything. With your dad, with your mistake, with being trapped here... even with wanting to sacrifice yourself. It's just...another magic solution.

[....]

You realize that's the one kind of magic that doesn't exist, right? There is no magic cure that'll fix everything. No invention, no special tricks, no machine no science. Not even sacrificing your life will do it. It just leaves everyone else to clean up the mess.

If you want to make things better...you have to work hard at it. Sometimes for a long time. And I don't mean work at stuff you're good at either. In fact, it's more important to try to improve on things that are important but you're bad at.

Do you understand, Varian?

[Varian's quiet, waiting for Elliot to...he doesn't know. Shout, kick him out, tell him to never come near him again. He's still so unused to telling people what he did- he's not sure what to expect as a reaction. He knows what he feels he deserves as a reaction, and as a result, that's what he expects. It's what would make sense.

But that's not what happens. Elliot doesn't offer him the endless reassurance that he's too hard on himself like Rapunzel did. But he doesn't turn his back either. Varian falls quiet, hugging an arm around himself as he listens to what Elliot had to say. If he knew he'd triggered some memories, the guilt would surge anew- but for now, he listens. Tries to take in what Elliot is saying to him.

He's right of course. Even after he was brought back into the fold, he was always looking for an easy way to fix everything. The final incantation, Project Obsidian, both times he's used portals- home and here. A quick simple fix to make everything better again. Even if making things better involved removing himself from the equation. All of it was a hyperfocused fix. ]

I guess I... I just wanted to make it better again. All I've ever wanted is to- to make my dad proud of me. And once I had that I still just kept...doing that. Trying to prove I was good enough for...something. [Existing. ] I've been working as hard as I could...back home. Once Rapunzel had survived and she saved my dad. I spent every waking second I had trying to make things right back home. Even out the balance.

[To put good in where he put so much bad.]

...But you're right. Even that was just...grand fixes. And none of them really fixed anything in the long run. I don't think I know how to do it any other way. But- but I do want to learn.

["All I've ever wanted is to make my dad proud". Oof. Elliot can't deny that explanation hits a little close to home. Sure, he never committed the crimes that Varian did. He just contorted himself and put himself through misery to please his dad until something broke. But still, the feeling behind it is...]

Hey. You are good enough, okay? And not because you're good at building things or at science. You're good enough just being who you are, Varian. Honestly, you could never build something again or just build useless knik-knacks for fun- and you'd still be good enough. At least, as far as I'm concerned.

[Varian didn't have to prove his existence to anyone. He knows from dealing with Rean that Varian probably won't fully believe that right away, but he still wants to say it]

But...I'll try to help you okay? Find a way for you to learn another way. It'll take awhile, and it won't be easy ... but I'm sure it can be done.

[Varian stills, focusing on what Elliot is telling him. He's...really not used to being told that just him is enough. It's a sentiment he's only really started to hear since he got to Kaisou. The bitter, self-loathing part of him wants to dismiss it as people just trying to make him feel better. Placating the kid in case he snaps.

...But the tiny sliver of hope that managed to survive when every other part of him was consumed with anger and hatred clings onto it. He wants to believe it. He wants to believe he can be worth more than what he can make for people.

Even if he's not quite there to have full faith in the sentiment yet.]

...Thank you. I- I appreciate that a lot. I don't know if I believe you, but...I appreciate it all the same.

[Baby steps. The next thing Elliot has to say has him blinking owlishly. Back home he's been kind of left to figure this out on his own. Mostly because there's always a bigger issue to deal with than his own. He's used to it.]

You will? And yeah...yeah I know it wouldn't be easy but I'd be grateful for any help you could give me.

[And to that, he gives a little shrug. He knows.]

It's fine. My friend doesn't always believe it either when I tell him. But I think it's still important to hear it all the same.

[He'll say it as many times as he needs to for it to sink in, really.]

Of course I will. I'm your teacher, it's my job to make sure you learn what you need to learn. [He scratches his jaw] Though, I admit my expertise is in teaching music and not this....so it'll be a learning experience for the both of us!

...Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's- it's really nice to hear. Maybe one day if I hear it enough I might start to believe it.

[He's not so far gone to give it up as a complete lost cause at least.

At that he does manage a little laugh.]

I don't know, back home we sang about things we were struggling with all the time. Rapunzel swears by it helping you out. So you might be more qualified than you realise.

Hehe, that'd be nice to see- but don't feel like you have to push yourself on that to get my approval, okay?

[Because he knows that's a thing with Varian, always wanting approval. He rather the guy not try to lie to get it.]

Really? Sounds like Rapunzel is another believer in the power of music! [Elliot don't say it like that. It sounds like a cult] Well, I wasn't planning to make you sing, but I'll keep that trick in mind.

Oh...um- okay. Yeah. I'll... try to remember that.

[Because Elliot is right on the money on that one. Seeking approval from others is something he genuinely has to work on.]

She really is. [It totally sounds like a cult. He manages a nervous little chuckle.] Thanks. And um...thanks. For listening. And not immediately kicking me out of your home.

[The nerdiest cult there is, tbh]

Hey, I wasn't going to do that. [Throw him out, he means] I'll admit it was more than I was expecting, but I also know it took a lot of integrity and courage to tell me. Especially when you didn't have to.

I'm not about to overlook that. [varian made a lot of mistakes...so many mistakes- but he's clearly trying to be better. this conversation alone was proof of that. ]

Yeah...I know it's-uh. It's a lot to take in.

[Even HE finds it a lot and he lived through it. Still, Elliot's words are helping drop his anxiety down considerably. ]

I felt it was...I don't know, important? For people to know. At least the people who're closest to me. It didn't feel right hiding it from you.

[ ....!]

You consider me a close to you?

[A teenager?? Openly admitting that an adult in their life is important to them??? Elliot hand goes to his chest, he is in awe! True awe!! ]

[Varian's just gonna give him that Good Solid look only a teenager can do when they've decided you're being deeply uncool and extremely weird. He's a teacher. He knows the look.]

Uh...yeah? Why wouldn't I?

[Oh yes he knows the look well. But he is too happy to let it affect him. When you're a high school teacher, you have to savor the rare days you actually get acknowledgement]

Eheh, no reason! It's just nice to hear, that's all.

[He can enjoy the warm glow of being appreciated. ]

Oh. Well. I um... I can always say it more? If that helps? Almost all my friends back home are adults so it's not like it's something I'm...not used to.

[Deeming adults as uncool is thankfully one of the teenage habits he has not picked up, but give him a few more months with Actual Peers and check in on him again on that one. ]

[It's a rare feeling]

Ah, no that's ok! You don't have to do that. I'm not that needy for positive affirmations!

[HE AIN'T AS BAD AS HIS DAD, NO SIREE. He clears his throat]

But really? Did you not have friends your own age?

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tw: suicidal ideation

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