fiddlestick | aefenglom IC Inbox

Well...

[He considers it]

I-It'd depend on the company. But if it was just going to be them, I'd consider it...

Couldn’t you just do that at a house instead of a resort, then?

[ your house, with your friends it’s called a gangbang. ]

I-I mean, you could...but the whole point of going on vacation or to a resort is to get away from home for awhile.

You’d just have to rent it out.

[ maybe close to impossible, but maybe with cash from everyone . . . make those dreams come true. so, next card!

but the second eren flips it, he frowns. doesn’t say anything, just frowns. ]

Hehe, maybe if I ever get rich.

[For now, he can't afford that.

He notices that frown on Eren's face]

Something wrong?

[ yeah, you see. there is one problem but he’s going to man up to it anyway. he just remembers sokie giving him that ereh bullshit a while ago and now these things are a menace? ]

Give me a pet name in ten seconds and I’ll give you one in five. [ thing is, eren has sworn an oath: no pet names, for anyone. ] El . . Liot.

[ there. he succeeded. it’s not cheating at all. ]

[Pet names? Well he can't say he's ever been one for them, it's really more Crow's thing to do nicknames, but alright---]

E-Eren that's just my name with a pause in the middle.

Edited 2020-02-10 02:59 (UTC)

[ mumble grumble mumble! but look at that, his scales are on fire with color. ]

I don’t— do pet names. [ either that or he’s just really bad at them. ] Your name sounds better.

[Oh Eren.]

Well I can't say I do them much either...but it's just a game right? You don't have to keep calling me whatever you come up with after.

[

he still doesn’t like it, by the way! a look to the left, a look to the right, and when he stares straight at elliot, a deadpan voice comes: ]

. . . Honey.

[ listen— it’s the only reference he has. his mom did this all the time, and that’s the end of that now maybe he could be left to die! his scales aren’t red, aren’t orange or the famous mix!

they are as eggplant purple as the remaining flesh bits of his face are. ]

[He can't help it, he covers his mouth and giggles a little at the name....or rather more Eren's reaction to it ]

Hehehe, okay okay I'll count that.

[Now he has to come up with one. He'll give a bit more thought, but with the time restraint he goes to his go-to: music]

Libero. In music, it means to play freely.

[ sssstoooooop this is just making him even more embarrassed because it’s well thought out and actually cute of him to consider? after everything. elliot is still the sweetest bean and would make amazing sweet bean paste. he’s. sweating. not so much because he doesn’t really need to, but perhaps out of embarrassed reflexes. ]

Honey sounds like crap.

[ compared to this? yes. you deserve better and he just can’t come up with anything. ]

[Please don't turn him into sweet bean paste Eren its worrying when you say that.]

Aww, c'mon it's not so bad! Really I just picked the first musical term that popped into mind that fits you. They just all happen to sound fancy.

[So really it's a cheap and easy way to sound impressive]

Really, this is just a game. Some people have pet names for me, but I can't say I use them much myself, so...

[Don't worry about it!!]

[ what does eren say that is ever not worrying. but, eren’s still mildly embarrassed, to a degree. it’s a game but— he plays to win! and he has, maybe. he’s won award for worst name and creativity. clicking his talons against the table, he considers something, then: ]

. . . You can use that, if you ever need to avoid my name. [ because of things. it doesn’t sound very pet-like at all, to be honest. more like a nickname that he could actually get behind. ] If you want.

[ (and then, in the future, elliot got so nervous he used puff instead). ]

Edited 2020-02-11 16:39 (UTC)

[! Well that catches Elliot by surprised]

Oh! [That's right. He can't refer to Eren by name in public. Not as long as he hides from Mikasa ]

You don't mind?

[ the price is so little to pay . . . ]

No. [ he’s really in no situation to decline either, unless he was dying to facilitate the process of discovery, which, he wasn’t. not for the time being. ] Either that or Krüger, or whatever else you come up with.

[ at least he knows elliot isn’t as crappy with names as he is. he gestures for the card deck— it was elliot’s turn, now that he discards the pet name card. ]

I’ll take it until I don’t need it.

Well, I know I'm not calling you Krüger. Just saying that name makes me worried she'll appear. [Because if anyone could pop up upon being called, despite being in an entirely different world - it's Sharon.] So Libero or...something else will have to do.

[You know, like Puff

He'll take another card, reading it.]

"What Small Pleasures do you enjoy the most?" ... Oh, that's a nice one.

[ small pleasures, um. hm.

you don’t even have to wait too long to realize a lone cricket chirps in eren’s head. you’ve got him. he literally doesn’t have any. time spent with friends is a little . . . out of the question, now. digging, drinking, sex? all refuge. walks on the beach? he had the most depressing beach episode of all time.

the cricket still chirps and eren stares like ???? ]

Er...

[That...sure is a deer in the headlights stare for a relatively easy question. Was Eren's life really that depressing]

I-It can just be something simple. Like...liking the sound your shoes make against cobblestone, or a type of snack...?

[ANYTHING EREN. ANYTHING]

. . . Sharp things?

[ that wasn’t even something he had a fixation on before aefenglom, so, shortly after he shakes his head. wrong answer. ever heard the saying “when the mind isn’t in the right place, the body and soul suffers”? if you take one away, the rest teeter. can’t think straight. can’t think of the simple good things when the rest is shit after a while. did he ever tell you about the first time he had ice cream? it was depressing, too.

a lightbulb comes 💡 ]

—Smiles.

[ we all know that eren sits in a dark room doing his job and looks up at a board full of pictures of his friends smiling that reads do it for them!!!!!! ]

[Yeah this...is a rather depressing thing to watch. Elliot hadn't thought it was such a difficult question. He could think of plenty of things that made him happy without even trying, big and small. So to have Eren struggle so much with it...

Well, it sure indicated yet again that something wasn't right about the guy. He is even about to point out that sharp things was a compulsion, not a pleasure - but even Eren seems aware of that with his headshake, so he holds back and gives Eren time to think.

Which hey, looks like he's able to think of something]

Oh? Smiles give you pleasure?

[ that isn’t how he’s word it and gives a sigh, what would’ve been an awkward laugh if eren had it in him. when historia smiled, when everyone grinned— he’s almost regretful to have passed across some of these moments because of his own sadness, but, he couldn’t control it back then. he was still happy, at least, when he was able to let go for a few hours and admire them. ]

It means someone’s happy enough. Something’s right. [ and then he pauses, his own smile tempting to pull with his brows apologetically. ] Most of the time.

[ there’re the sad smiles in existence, as well as the off-the-rocker smiles that’re far more unhinged. but, none of those are the smiles eren’s talking about. ]

And It’s been a while since I’ve felt that— or made anyone feel that, [ he seems to be looking at elliot expectantly, as if he knew the answer personally. ] hasn’t it.

Ah...

[Aw...well, Eren put it right there. Elliot's mouth opens, then closes as he looks with worry. The dancing around the elephant of the room part of this conversation was over. Even if he knows it's an important conversation they need to have... Elliot wishes the floor would open up and swallow him whole right now.

It's tempting to lie, to tell him no that wasn't true ... but Eren would know he was lying. They were bonded, and even if they weren't Elliot had his fair share of tells.

Nerve-wracking or not, this is happening]

...It has.

[He'll confirm it, his voice tired and sad.]

I...I think it's hard to make people happy when you won't let yourself feel it.

[ they’re going to talk this out like fine adults rather than dragging themselves into a hell they can’t come back from, now won’t they!

eren listens, at least opening to listening— more so even open to, just that. opening. he had passion and will to drive him for hours, days, months, years, but cracks were as clear as they could be in any human under a catastrophic amount of pressure. pressure he refuses to complain about because he willingly chose this. what elliot says holds deeper truth than he could begin to comprehend so fast— he never did allow himself to be happy until now and that was all completely recognized. eren too, seemed frequently tired and his upheaval would show during the smallest of moments, unnecessary but there because, where else could it go? ]

Even if I’ll always keep moving— The weight is unbearable, sometimes. [ he says, sadly with a downcast stare into the flickering candlelight in the middle of their table. it was dark, and he couldn’t see during those times. couldn’t see anything. it was more a true-hearted confession of his feelings rather than regretting. if they’re going to be open here and save things than preserve their ears. so, with a swallow, he continues: ] The last time I enjoyed my friends smiling, I had to drink to. That was a year ago. I made choices I can’t come back from, and I’ve been aware of it since I was, [ pause, shrug, ] fifteen.

[ so . . . that. ]

I thought about annulling our bond more than once, [ he shakes his head, slowly. ] but if I did that . . . I’d just pass the problem over to the next witch. Worse— I’d be giving up. [ on elliot, surely, but especially himself. and he’s plenty aware by now the problem is him. ]

That’s something I know I don’t want to do for either of us.

["I thought about annulling our bond more than once". Even if Elliot had had his suspicions, it hurt to hear his anxieties confirmed. He has to swallow, his own stomach twisting.]

I...had a feeling you have. These days you seem so...tired of me. When I speak my mind, when I don't... E-Even now, I feel a little like I'm walking on eggshells picking my words.

[He tried hard to make his bond happy. Sometimes he'd try hard to be serious - a companion Eren could trust. Other times he'd try to be cheerful - a piece of light Eren could see in his own darkness. While Elliot never outright lied about who he is, there came a point where who he was with Eren wasn't authentically himself. Just versions of him that he'd hope would appease his Bond.]

It...Only recently did I start to realize it wasn't because there was something wrong with me. [Which is big for him, as it's so easy to blame himself, especially when Rean wasn't here to correct him] You'd...end up feeling the same way no matter which witch you'd bond with, because it's not the witch you're tired of.

[It was himself, and the pain he felt. Eren was lost in the woods of suffering and didn't know how to get out. Didn't know if he could get himself out.]

You're moving Eren...but you're only moving in place. And you're strong so you've managed for a long time, but... you need some way to lift that weight before it crushes you.

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