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Elliot "actual disney princess" Craig ([personal profile] fiddlestick) wrote2019-05-31 11:12 pm

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usurpers: (pic#14002743)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-02 01:36 pm (UTC)(link)
[ the beach gets some hesitation, but not enough for him to decline the spot. get over yourself, eren. new beginnings. ]

I'll see you there in ten.
usurpers: (pic#14001616)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-03 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
[ that scenery.

the ten minutes was more for eren than anything to get there. his pace isn't quite rushed, but the larger steps he'd take could count for three or four regulars. in no time, the salty harbor scent and gulls happy to say hello to a coming summer are riding his senses. it's a little chilly here, too, and eren ends up retreating his limbs from the brisk breeze. he preferred the muggy heat in town.

he chooses his seat next to his bond, adjusts where his tail would rest (not between them, for sure) and once settled— tips his head back to blow out a dragging sigh angled to his forehead; stray bangs wave around, and the dying huff nearly becomes a tired raspberry. ]


Sorry about lately. [ he's been quiet and distanced, but not because he wanted to hide or had problems with elliot, specifically. eren simply had . . . too much on his plate, and one more presence would probably make him burst at the worst time. he's better now. ]
usurpers: (Default)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-04 10:53 am (UTC)(link)
I . . . Just realized some things.

[ two major things. he’s almost glad that they sum themselves up rather than leaving him with spiraling dead-end questions, like the first one did. eren’s tongue dances, mulling the words he could, and where to actually start. ]

I spent a night with Mikasa.

[






he doesn’t mean just spending time ]
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-04 04:40 pm (UTC)(link)
She didn’t know it was me, either. Both of us drank and were— really out of it. I hardly remember.

[ even if they didn’t flat out do the deed— just. kissed a lot. and succ. but even eren’s own memory is spotty about it with only alcohol to fill in the spaces. maybe the oh, no should intensify . . . ]

I spent most of the month thinking I should just disappear from here. Keep running. [ not die, nothing like that. just. poof, as any human would feel at some point. eren draws his arms between his legs, shoulders on top of them and weaving his fingers together— his talons tap his knuckles. ] Sounds like a waste of time, doesn’t it?
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-04 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
[ eren needs to . . . sigh all over again. it's a lot and he's tired and even the choice he's making now is a difficult one. honestly, there's a part of him that's afraid. afraid he's making the wrong choice and it gnaws at the edges of his like a famished mutt. ]

Because of a friend who showed up, a friend who left— and you.

[ he didn't know how to explain being told something so many times only for it to not make any sense at all until it finally did— he's not too late, but hell if he doesn't feel a lot more than an asshole, shit and motherfucker all in one bundle. ]

You always said this could be another chance and it . . . Didn't look that way until it felt like I really had one.

[ if that made sense—? and he's just— so torn that he didn't see it before. now jean's gone, but at least eren could say, for certain, that the last thing he could remember about him at this very moment was . . . fun. ]
usurpers: (pic#14002788)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-05 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)
[ sentiment appreciated and reciprocated. ]

I don't know how much you knew Sokie. [ . . . ] Or Jean.

[ there's a touch to sokie's name, of genuine fondness. a witch he hung out with a lot, they had some pretty good runs and fooling around stemming from a mutual attraction to the liberty they loved. jean, on the other hand, runs deeper. the roots of that name dig deep and wrap around the core reason eren has made serious, unrelenting choices. it's a jab to the gut. he's important, has been important for years as they grew.

and for some reason, elliot will be reminded of a horse. ]


I need to talk to her. Mikasa. [ —correction. ] If she wants to talk to me.

[ eren rolls his shoulders back, turns his hand up, exposes his palm . . . and sets it on elliot's lap. he knows what he wants to do and he's going through with it but he still feels. shaky? frightened? worried? he doesn't look any of those things, eren was sturdy and imposing. even right now, when you looked at him. it was the inside that only elliot could see right now. ]

She'll be able to choose what she wants from there, [ he's— letting her go, to be honest, and it's hurting but everything before this was hurting even more. he couldn't do this back home. might as well do it here. ] and I'll respect that.
usurpers: (pic#14002720)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-08 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
The truth.

[ they felt like— they were small in his. elliot’s hands could easily fit into his palm. eren only squeezes the sides of them into a loose and appreciative hold while his insides quiver out of control. at least everything seems superficially sound when you look at him. ]

It’s a lot to unpack. It could take months. [ but he supposes, since he can’t actually go back in time here and tell his four month younger dragon self, hey, don’t do that, he just has to hope he has enough time to even get to this point. ] I kept it all from them for years.
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-10 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)
She's less forgiving.

[ that is saying something. but, considering their relationship— not impossible. hell mikasa is still upset about levi beating the shit out of him in court and that was five years ago. and necessary. it could take . . . a really long time just to get close to her again. ]

. . . Like I said, [ eren rolls his shoulders in an attempt to relax them— super stiff. ] it's going to take a while just to start. But I, [ he pauses to wet his lips and consequently takes the blip of time to hold elliot's hand further. ] can't waste more time here.
usurpers: (pic#14002793)

cw: stabbing in the link

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-11 07:33 pm (UTC)(link)
You're not wrong.

[ sorry elliot: eren fucked her up. though he didn't know them well, eren is well aware of the trickle of loss that bubbled around the same time as his. ]

Did you have a good time with them?
usurpers: (pic#14001828)

[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-12 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ eren could— honestly relate. on top of keeping a secret and more of them during four years and counting, he’s bonded to elliot for the most part of a year and elliot still . . . doesn’t know a lot about his history. like dating a stranger without realizing a thing about them beyond behavior. he’s always felt the necessity to hold back for his bonded’s sake ever since returning from the mirrors the very first time he left. maybe it wasn’t exactly fair. maybe it was for eren’s own sake, too, but.

it makes him think a little, and a single mental knot slowly begins to loosen. ]


He probably had a reason. [ everyone has some kind of personal reason for that. no argument. ] I thought you knew, more or less?

[ he’s curious— because he remembers the talk they had about death all the way back in dorchacht’s first visit. unless there was more than one secret. ]
Edited 2020-06-12 03:05 (UTC)
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-13 12:23 pm (UTC)(link)
[ while it means little to eren, the general meaning of it all is achieved through a mildly comparable circumstance. only mildly. but from what he saw around the house elliot shared with crow, they had a stable seeming relationship when scratching the surface. they'd talk and spend time with each other and have fun. he could honestly understand not wanting to break any of that because— ]

I haven't told you anything about me . . . For both reasons.

[ the honesty comes abruptly and causes a twitch in eren's eyelids. a wince. when it came to eren's home friends— the truth was necessary to heal the hole he blasted through them. he had no luxury of being able to approximate with them again without explaining himself, and with elliot . . . it just felt like there was no reason beyond professionalism for them to be bonded if he couldn't open up, at least little by little. with the behavioral issues mostly smoothed, the step up is now or never. ]
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-15 12:33 am (UTC)(link)
[ spongegar emoji. eren then considers he either didn’t hide it well enough or elliot knew him more than he thought. to what extent, he hoped it wouldn’t be shattered now, especially listening to how he felt about both instances. eren talons, the one from his free hand, at least, curls some into the fabric of his pants. ]

You have every right. [ the same way crow had his, and so did eren and everyone else— it was so complicated. you couldn’t have it all when it depended on someone else . . . freedom really was cruel, and still he went after it like it was the only thing he had left to fight for. ] Back home— I had to make a decision.
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[personal profile] usurpers 2020-06-16 03:09 am (UTC)(link)
[ eren remains still when touched— not a flinch or falling into his hand, but remaining neutral. moments and eren himself wavers back and forth into a slouch, then erecting his back, finding no position comfortable. lips purse open and a second after the silence it brought, he drops it. there’s nothing else to really say to go around it. just carefully peel back details. ]

I’m . . . About to kill everyone.

[ how could anyone support that—? except jaegerists. ]

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