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[fiddlestick]

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[fiddlestick]

I-I guess...but there's no way imagining that is...a-alluring.

[In fact your time has run out Akira, because Elliot turns to look STRAIGHT AT HIM]

You know what I mean, right Akira?

[maskreant]

[ He doesn't think he's eloquent or composed enough to make any comparisons to the acts of a possible and a blowjob. Not even going to touch that. He's sure his friends are smart enough to understand temperature is irrelevant. ]

Erotica doesn't really do much for me personally, so it's...

[ SHRUGS??? ]

Maybe some like it. Don't people also use "lollipop"?

[fabrefactions]

Lollipops are fairly small though.

[ Are you implying this supposed sex god, a “beast of a man” according to the initial author of the non-adapted bersion of this book, has a pindick, Akira? That just won’t do. The frothing middle aged fanbase wouldn’t allow it. ]

It may be fair to say I can see the direction the author was trying to take. It is merely a shame that it was a terrible one to begin with.

[fiddlestick]

...If you're not into erotica, why did you make this?

[And yeah Yusuke's brackets are right. God of Sex Mr. Gray could never have a lollipop dick]

Yeah, no argument about it being a terrible direction.

[maskreant]

[ Yuuuuuuusukeeeeeee. Not going to add more to that. It's fine. Lollipops come in all shapes and sizes. ]

I'm pretty sure it's based on Dusk, so it's actually fanfiction. They must really like Edmund.

[ MOVING AWAY FROM DICKS ]

I technically rewrote this for Haru so she can talk about it with her mom... Who is a big fan.

[fabrefactions]

[ Bringing it immediately back to dicks: ]

If it was based off terrible vampire fiction, perhaps that is why the author assumed it would be cold...?

[ And now, thankfully, bringing it away from dicks again. ]

... I was not aware Haru’s mother was so fond of this series. [ God this’d be like finding out his mother enjoyed reading this series too. Help. ] I could have gone through life without knowing this.

[maskreant]

Does that mean Sanji’s would be on fire if she wrote about him?

[ He needs to punish you, friend, just a little bit. Also, he thought Yusuke would know?? Though Akira found out from Haru... Not that he wanted to know that, but 50 Shades has been his topic ever since it became a school assignment.

They can definitely move on. ]

I’m not surprised. It’s popular among middle-aged women, so...

[ Yeah!!! ]

[fiddlestick]

Um-

[ YEAAAH NOT GONNA TOUCH SANJI'S DICK, FOCUS ON THE OTHER THING. ]

...I-I can't imagine talking about smut with my auntie. [ He'd sooner die tbh ] But if it's for Haru, then why is there a male version....? I mean that explains the lesbian one, but...

[fabrefactions]

[ Well someone here has been, so. ALLOW HIM TO TALK. ]

I'm fairly sure there would be privacy and invasion issues, law wise, if she were writing about someone who actually existed. Also why are you thinking about this?

...

Also, no.

[ ... ]

Perhaps Akira has desires to be a ghost writer?

[ He's lookin' at you now, Akira. Do you? Let them help you achieve your dreams. ]

[maskreant]

Well, he lights himself on fire. I guess in this case people would call it a kebab instead of a popsicle?

[ He’s just playing with you, but he also didn’t know you’ve seen Sanji’s dick. How. Ever. He’s sure Yusuke has seen plenty of genitalia since he’s an artist. Not too surprised here. ]

No, I don’t want to be a writer—I wouldn’t consider parodying a work writing, either. Also, I just wanted my friends who like men to enjoy it? Maybe enjoy isn’t the word here.

[fabrefactions]

[ Don't be coy Akira, you're the one who tried to make him make a bet on whether or not he'd have sex. ]

That is equally unsexy imagery, so perhaps. [ Please stop referring to his boyfriend's dick as a kebab, this is terrible. ]

Suffer, might be the better word.

[fiddlestick]

[ Another person who sets himself on fire. How many people like that do these two know?? He makes a bit of face, but decides to distract with a joke. ]

Well...a-at least kebabs are usually more meaty....

[This is a terrible]

S-Suffer is definitely the better word. But I guess it is a step towards...equality? I think?

[maskreant]

Point is you eat it.

[ HE’S TRYING HIS BEST NOT TO SMILE BECAUSE meaty. Kebab. It’s so bad, so funny, and he wishes it fucking wasn’t or that he had no sense of humor. Okay, it’s too late. He’s smiling a bit, but stifling any laughter down his throat. It’s. Fine. ]

Equally, we’ll all suffer from 50 Shades. [ SPEAKING OF SUFFERING. ] Did you guys see what Ann gave me for my birthday?

[fabrefactions]

Among other things.

[ All of this is terrible. But it is sort of funny as well. ]

It appears we have you to thank for this suffering. [ Oh good, a way out of this entire conversation. ]

No? What did she get you-- something nice?

[fiddlestick]

[ He chokes a little on yusuke's remark, torn between hating this and laughing. WOW DUDE. ]

No. What was it...?

[ He has a bad feeling considering the nature of this conversation, but lets ride this madness together ]

[maskreant]

[ What Yusuke does with his kebabs has nothing to do with them!! He has to stop smiling because when he opened Ann’s gift in the bag... in the restaurant, he died. ]

Fuzzy handcuffs.

[fabrefactions]

[ Look, you started this kebab joke, Akira. Now you have to live with the vague references to the fact that Yusuke has had The Sex. ]

... Fuzzy... handcuffs.

[ O K. ]

What colour?

[ This is important. ]

[fiddlestick]

Fuzzy ... wow.

[Considering she dates a cop, he felt like he really didn't want to know where she got that idea.]

W-Why does the color matter??

[maskreant]

[ That’s fine, but Akira hasn’t realized they may have both gotten laid on the same day. Uhmmm. ]

Black?

[fabrefactions]

Aesthetics are important it all things. For example, if they are yellow they would go poorly with both Akira and Akechi's complexions.

[ How to shamelessly talk about sexual things while removing the sexual aspect completely to focus on how the colour of them looks against the user's skin: the Yusuke Kitagawa story. ]

... But black seems fine, if a little predictable. [ Not as predictable as pink though. ] Was it a joke gift, or...?

[ It's going to be fun for both of them once they realise they did the do on the same day, what larks. ]

[fiddlestick]

T-They're fuzzy handcuffs Yusuke, I don't think they look good on anyone...

[That isn't the point of them?? But god of course Yusuke would be concerned with aesthetic to that amount of detail. ]

Um, she dates a cop so...m-maybe we shouldn't think too deeply on why she thought of them?

[maskreant]

Black matches everything at least.

[ Yusuke is a blessing and a curse at the same time. He has never thought about how cuffs should enhance their complexion. ]

Even if she’s dating a cop, she’s after my blood. It has to be gag gift? Why wouldn’t it—[ he regrets asking this question now. ]

[fabrefactions]

It is a very versatile shade, yes.

[ Well, now Akira gets to consider this very seriously. What a great day. ]

...

Perhaps she thinks it'll be something you'd enjoy using? Or perhaps she just enjoys embarrassing you. [ Or perhaps it's what she's into and she wants to spread the joy of handcuffs. WHO KNOWS. ]

[fiddlestick]

[ This is why Elliot said don't think too deeply....he tried to warn you.

But now here we are, in this insane rabbit hole. He clears his throat. ]

I-I mean, she's a phantom thief dating a cop, and you're a phantom thief dating a detective. So maybe... Um...something to bond over?

O-Or it's just a joke. It doesn't matter, right?

[maskreant]

It has to be she wants to embarrass me since this is a horrible way to bond... I did tell her to cuff Mako once to see if he likes it since he’s a cop? And offered to ask him if he’s into that for her.

[ Well. Now you know? This is getting bad... Akira is starting to get comfortable. UHMM. ]

I wouldn’t mind using them on Goro, actually.